Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise man to be able to sell it.

He is considered the most graceful speaker who can say nothing in most words.

“Home, Sweet Home” must surely have been written by a bachelor.

10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.

A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone somewhere is having fun.

A clash of doctrine is not a disaster – it is an opportunity.

A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

A good memory does not equal pale ink.

A hammer sometimes misses its mark – a bouquet never.

A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon of gold.

A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance from Jack.

A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.

A liberal is someone too poor to be a capitalist and too rich to be a communist.

A man paints with his brains and not with his hands.

A plucked goose doesn’t lay golden eggs.

A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.

A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work. A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.

About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.

Academy: A modern school where football is taught.

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves.

Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.

All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time.

All in all it’s just another brick in the wall…

All that glitters has a high refractive index.

America’s best buy for a nickel is a telephone call to the right man.

Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.

As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong? Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, If God won’t have you, the devil must.

Better living a beggar than buried an emperor.

Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.

Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.

Biggest security gap – an open mouth.

Blessed are they that run around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.

Business will be either better or worse. – Calvin Coolidge

By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.

Can anyone remember when the times were not hard, and money not scarce? Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished? Yes, work never begun.

Change your thoughts and you change your world.

Charity: A thing that begins at home and usually stays there.

Chinese saying: “He who speak with forked tongue, not need chopsticks.”

Courage is your greatest present need.

Creditors have much better memories than debitors.

Culture is the habit of being pleased with the best and knowing why.

Death: To stop sinning suddenly.

Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won’t see his face.

Disk crisis, please clean up! Disk crunch – please clean up.

Do not clog intellect’s sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.

Do not merely believe in miracles, rely on them.

Do not take life too seriously; You will never get out of it alive.

Do not underestimate the power of the Force.

Don’t eat yellow snow.

Don’t force it, use a bigger hammer.

Don’t get stuck in a closet – Wear yourself out.

Don’t hit the keys so hard, it hurts.

Don’t look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.

Don’t look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder

Don’t speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

Education helps earning capacity. Ask any college professor.

Even a cabbage may look at a king.

Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.

Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.

Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.

Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.

Every purchase has its price.

Everybody needs a little love sometime; Stop hacking and fall in love! Everyone is enthusiastic about your work. Everything you know is wrong! Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital.

Fidelity: A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.

Finagle’s Law: The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.

Flee at once, all is discovered.

Friends: People who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.

Genius is the talent of a man who is dead.

God may be subtle, but he isn’t plain mean.

God must love the common man; He made so many of them.

Greatness is a transitory experience. It is never consistent.

Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others.

He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another’s mishap.

He that would govern others, first should be the master of himself.

He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.

He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.

He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.

He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.

He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.

He who hates vices hates mankind.

He who hesitates is sometimes saved.

He who invents adages for others to peruse takes along a rowboat when going on a cruise.

He who laughs, lasts.

He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes.

He who spends a storm beneath a tree, takes life with a grain of TNT.

How sharper than a hound’s tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.

How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.

How you look depends on where you go.

I am a computer. I am dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.

I came to MIT to get an education for myself and a diploma for my mother.

I like work; It fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.

I’m a Hollywood writer; So I put on a sports jacket and take off my brain.

If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands.

If at first you don’t succeed, quit; Don’t be a nut about success.

If you ask how much it is, you can’t afford it.

If you suspect a man, don’t employ him.

If you think before you speak, the other guy gets his joke in first.

If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law.

Ignorance is when you don’t know anything and somebody finds it out.

In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.

Institute: An archaic school where football is not taught.

Integrity has no need for rules.

It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.

It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.

It is better to have loved and lost – much better.

It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.

It is better to wear out than to rust out.

It is easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them.

It is easier to run down a hill than up one.

It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.

It seems to make an auto driver mad if he misses you.

It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.

It’s a poor man who blames his tools.

It’s all in the mind, ya know.

It’s better to burn out than to rust.

It’s better to burn out than to fade away.

It’s later than you think.

It’s not reality that’s important, but how you perceive things.

Journalism will kill you, but it will keep you alive while you’re at it.

LISP: To call a spade a thpade.

Laugh, and the world ignores you. Crying doesn’t help either.

Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.

Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.

Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

Liar: One who tells a unpleasant truth.

Life is a game of bridge – and you’ve just been finessed.

Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.

Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; That smells AWFUL.

Long computations which yield 0 (zero) are probably all for naught.

Losing your driver’s license is just God’s way of saying “BOOGA, BOOGA!”

Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.

Love is in the offing, said the homicidal maniac.

Love is in the offing. Be affectionate to one who adores you.

Make it work before you make it faster.

A man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.

A man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.

Man’s horizons are bounded by his vision.

Many are called, few are chosen. Fewer still get to do the choosing.

Many are called, few volunteer.

Many are cold, but few are frozen.

Many pages make a thick book.

Many receive advice, few profit from it.

Memory should be the starting point of the present.

Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science.

Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.

Men still remember the first kiss after women have forgotten the last.

Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.

Money may buy friendship but money can not buy love.

Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years.

Multics is security spelled sideways.

Never give an inch!

Never insult an alligator until you have crossed the river.

No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

No problem is insoluble in all conceivable circumstances.

Nobody can be as unagreeable as an uninvited guest.

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.

Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.

Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.

Paranoia doesn’t mean the whole world really isn’t out to get you.

People who take cat naps don’t usually sleep in a cat’s cradle.

People will buy anything that’s one to a customer.

Philosophy: Unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.

Please go away.

Power is poison.

Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword.

Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.

Quit work and play for once!

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.

Reading is thinking with someone else’s head instead of one’s own.

Reality is for people who can’t deal with drugs.

Religions revolve madly around sexual questions.

Rotten wood can not be carved – Confucius (Analects, Book 5, Ch. 9)

Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.

Save gas, don’t eat beans.

Sign on bank: “FREE BOTTLE OF CHIVAS WITH EVERY MILLION-DOLLAR DEPOSIT.”

Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.

Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.

Some men are discovered; Others are found out.

Stability itself is nothing else than a more sluggish motion.

Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.

Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you.

Stop searching forever. Happiness is unattainable.

Sturgeon’s Law: Ninety percent of everything is crud.

Success is a journey, not a destination.

Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.

Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

That must be wonderful! I dont understand it at all.

That which is not good for the swarm, neither is it good for the bee.

That’s what she said.

The Tree of earning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad.

The attacker must vanquish; The defender need only survive.

The best prophet of the future is the past.

The decision doesn’t have to be logical, it was unanimous.

The early worm gets the bird.

The end of labor is to gain leisure.

The famous politician was trying to save both his faces.

The finest eloquence is that which gets things done.

The future isn’t what it used to be. (It never was.)

The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.

The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none.

The important thing is not to stop questioning.

The life which is unexamined is not worth living.

The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.

The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.

The plural of spouse is spice.

The pride of greatness is responsibility.

The program is absolutely right; Therefore the computer must be wrong.

The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.

The time is right to make new friends.

The universe is laughing behind your back.

The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.

There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch. (TANSTAAFL).

There are more old drunkards than old doctors.

There is no heavier burden than a great potential.

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.

There is no such thing as pure pleasure; Some anxiety always goes with it.

There is no time like the pleasant.

There’s so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.

This fortune is inoperative. Please try another.

Those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach. Those who cannot teach, HACK! Those who can, do; Those who can’t, simulate.

Those who in quarrels interpose must often wipe a bloody nose.

Those who talk don’t know. Those who don’t talk, know.

Time and tide wait for no man.

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

Time is nature’s way of making sure that everything doesn’t happen at once.

To criticize the incompetent is easy; It is more difficult to criticize the competent.

To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.

To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.

To teach is to learn.

Today is a good day to bribe a high ranking public official.

Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage.

Today is the last day of your life so far.

Too clever is dumb. – Ogden Nash

Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.

Troubles are like babies; They only grow by nursing.

Truthful: Dumb and illiterate.

Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.

Trying to get an education here is like trying to take a drink from a fire hose.

Two men look out through the same bars; one sees mud, and one the stars.

Vests are to suits as seat-belts are to cars.

Volcano – a mountain with hiccups.

Waste not, get your budget cut next year.

We learn from history that we do not learn anything from history.

What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.

What happens when you cut back the jungle? It recedes.

What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.

What sin has not been committed in the name of efficiency? What this country needs is a good five cent microcomputer.

When the wind is great, bow before it; When the wind is heavy, yield to it.

Where the system is concerned, you’re not allowed to ask “Why?”.

With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.

Words are the voice of the heart.

Words must be weighed, not counted.

Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.

You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity.

You can never trust a woman; She may be true to you.

You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.

Your education begins where what is called your education is over.

Your ignorance cramps my conversation.

Your mind understands what you have been taught; Your heart, what is true.

Youth is the trustee of posterity.