We’ll begin with box, and the plural is boxes; But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.

Then one fowl is goose, but two are called geese Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a whole lot of mice, But the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men, When couldn’t the plural of pan be called pen? The cow in the plural may be cows or kine, But the plural of vow is vows, not vine.

And I speak of a foot, and you show me your feet, But I give a boot – would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth? If the singular is this and plural is these, Why shouldn’t the plural of kiss be nicknamed kese?

Then one may be that, and three may be those, Yet the plural of hat would never be hose; We speak of a brother, and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren.

The masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine she, shis, and shim!

So our English, I think you will all agree, Is the trickiest language you ever did see.

I take it you already know Of tough and bough and cough and dough?

Others may stumble, but not you On hiccough, thorough, slough, and through?

Well done! And now you wish, perhaps To learn of less familiar traps? Beware of heard, a dreadful word That looks like beard and sounds like bird. And dead; it’s said like bed, not bead; For goodness sake, don’t call it deed!

Watch out for meat and great and threat, (they rhyme with suite and straight and debt) A moth is not a moth in mother.

Nor both in bother, broth in brother. And here is not a match for there. And dear and fear for bear and pear.

And then there’s dose and rose and lose — Just look them up — and goose and choose.

And cork and work and card and ward, And font and front and word and sword. And do and go, then thwart and cart.

Come, come, I’ve hardly made a start. A dreadful language? Why, man alive, I’d learned to talk it when I was five, And yet to write it, the more I tried, I hadn’t learned it at fifty-five!

Hold tungen lige i munden…….

Oversæt venligst nedenstående.

1. Engelsk for begyndere: (for beginners)

Tre hekse ser på tre swatch-ure. Hvilken heks ser på hvilket swatch-ur?

Three witches watch three swatch watches. Which witch watch which swatch watch?

2. Engelsk for viderekommende: (advanced english)

Tre kønsopererede hekse ser på tre swatch-ure-knapper. Hvilken kønsopererede heks ser på hvilken swatch-ur-knap?

Det hele igen på engelsk:

Three switched witches watch three Swatch watch switches. Which switched witch watch which Swatch watch switch?

3. Engelsk for eksperter: (at the end)

Tre schweiziske hekse-kællinger, som ønsker sig at være kønsopereret schweiziske hekse-kællinger, ønsker at se på schweiziske swatch-ure-knapper.
Hvilken schweizisk hekse-kælling, som ønsker sig at være en kønsopereret schweizisk hekse-kælling, ønsker at se på hvilken schweizisk swatch-ure-knap?

… og igen på engelsk:

Three Swiss witch-bitches, which wished to be switched Swiss witch-bitches, wish to watch three Swiss Swatch watch switches.
Which Swiss witch-bitch which wishes to be a switched Swiss witch-bitch, wishes to watch which Swiss Swatch watch switch?

THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car’s bonnet.
Male : The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

LESBIAN (lez-bi-an) n.
Female: A woman who makes love to other women.
Male : A woman who has sex with other women so men can watch.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male : Playing cricket without a box.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male : A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 minutes.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male : Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with your mates.

BUM (bum) n.
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes look bigger.
Male : The organ for mooning (and farting).

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male : Not trying to pick up other women while out with one’s girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male : Sex

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male : An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male : What a women does while you are shagging her.

Winners of the “worst analogies ever written in a high school essay” contest. (Actually most of them are similes –but… whatever)

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. (Joseph Romm, Washington)

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. (Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup. (Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring)

>From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. (Roy Ashley, Washington)

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake (Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. (Unknown)

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. (Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. (Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.” (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. (Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. (Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria)

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.