I’ve devised a new type of smilie, to raise the efficieny of communications on the Usenet:

🙂 -: Smilie with an erection.
🙂 8 – Female.
😐 8( )- Pregnant Female.
🙁 :- Impotent (Or let down).
🙂 -8 Blue balls.
😉 o===8 Braggart.
:-\ 8o After a cold shower.
😉 ===8 Circumcised.
😯 –* Just before doubling over with pain.
🙂 -^-: In need of some corrective surgery.
🙂 :-… Taking a leak.
:-} -oo-: Taking matters into hand.
:-{ -__-: After slamming the toilet seat.
😮 ^^^^: After zipping up fly too fast.
Now that we’ve seen them, let’s learn how to use them:

Newsgroup: alt.singles

Hi. I’m new to this group. I’m a very well endowed guy 😉 o===8
and am looking for a girl with large hooters 🙂 8 –
to have wild, uninhibited sex with. :-0==8
Look, mister, you obviously are just some desparate geek 🙂 -8
trying to relieve yourself over the Usenet. I’d hate to :-O -oo-:
think of what would happen if someone walked in on you. :-{ ^^^^:
In fact, you’re probably just mastering the simplest tasks
of managing your “manhood”. 🙂 :-…. –> :-{ -__-:

Eventually, of course, we could communicate entirely with these smilies, and eliminate the bulky overhead of words, such as the following:

Newsgroup: alt.single

🙂 o===8 + 🙂 8 – ? (Proposition)
😮 -8 –> 😮 -oo-: ! (Alternative suggestion)
😮 –* (Ooh. That hurt)

And, of course, Flames:

🙁 : – (You call those breasts? I’ve seen bigger lumps in oatmeal!)
:-0===8 (Oh yeah? I bet that you…)
🙁 :- (Not with you I don’t!)