YOUR HOROSCOPE

AQUARIUS – JAN 21 TO FEB 19 –
You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistake repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are stupid.

PICES – FEB 20 TO MAR 20 –
You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA and FBI. You have minor influence over your associates and people think you flaunt your power. You lack control and are generally a coward. Pisces people screw small animals.

ARIES – MAR 21 TO APR 20 –
You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a prick.

TARUS – APR 21 TO MAY 21 –
You are practical and persistent. You have dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are not anything but a goddam communist.

GEMINI – MAY 22 TO JULY 23 –
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to except too much for too little. This means you are cheap. Geminis are notorious for thiriving on incest.

CANCER – JUN 22 – JUL 23 –
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people’s problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off, and that is why you will alwyas be on welfare and never worth a shit.

LEO – JUL 24 – AUG 23 –
You consider yourself a born leader, while others think you are pushy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are always thieving bastards.

VIRGO – AUG 24 – SEP 23 –
You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nitpicking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while making love. Virgos make excellent bus drivers and pimps.

LIBRA – SEP 24 – OCT 23 –
You are the artistic type and have difficulty with reality. If you are a man, you are most likely queer. Chances of empoloyment and monetary gains are excellent. Most Libra wome n are excellent whores. All Librans die of a veneral disease.

SCORPIO – OCT 24 – NOV 22 –
You are optimistic and entusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of Scorpios are drunks and dope fiends. People laugh at you a great deal because you are always getting fucked.

SAGITTARIUS – NOV 23 – DEC 21 –
You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of succes s because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect SON- OF-A-BITCH. Most sagittarians are murdered.

CAPRICORN – DEC 22 – JAN 20 –
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don’t do much of anything and are lazy. There has never been a capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still for long periods of time as they tend to attract pigeons.