Proposed new warnings for U.S. cigarette packs:

* Medical studies have proven you can still live with only one lung.

* Most forms of cancer are treatable at least for a while.

* This is only one of hundreds of products that are slowly killing you.

* Smoking does not affect the fetuses of women who aren’t pregnant.

* Refusing to inhale drastically reduces risk of lung cancer.

* Go ahead and drive or operate heavy machinery. It’s perfectly fine.

* Secondhand smoke only affects those who might breath it.

* Cigarettes don’t kill, matches do.

* Nicotine is not addictive because you know you could quit if you really wanted to.

* There have been no medical tests to conclusively prove smoking is a teeth-staining, smelly, pukey habit. And we’re not all that ready to concede the tumor-causing part either.