Er man et nul hvis man kommer før nr. 1?
Hvor mage minutter varer et boligkvarter?
Hvordan fejre nudister fastelavn?
Synes kannibaler at klovne smager sjovt?
Kan ordblinde falde i staver?
Hvorfor er det næsen der løber og og fødderne der lugter?
Hvis majsolie er lavet af majs, hvor kommer babyolie så fra?
Krymper bomulds marker når det regner?
Og hvilken farve får en smølf i hovedet hvis man prøver på at kvæle den?

-Hvad får man hvis man krydser en å og en bæk?
-SVAR: Våde fødder…

Hvorfor staves palindrom ikke ens forfra og bagfra?

Hvis man forsøger at bevise Murphy’s lov, vil det så gå galt?

Hvis en ko kunne grine, ville der så komme mælk ud af dens næse?

Hvorfor er ordet “forkortelse” så langt?

Hvorfor havde kamikaze-piloter hjelm på?

Findes der et andet ord for synonym?

Hvordan smider man en skraldespand væk?

Hvis majsolie kommer fra majs, hvor kommer babyolie så fra?

Hvorfor steriliserer de nålen, inden en dødsdomt får sin sprøjte?

Hvordan ved man at det er på tide at stemme sin sækkepibe?

Hvad gør man hvis man ser et udrydningstruet dyr, som spiser en giftig udrydningstruet plante ?

Hvorfor skriver man dødsattester på genbrugspapir?

Hvis et døvstumt barn bander, vasker mor så hans hænder med sæbe?

Hvis en person med personlighedsspaltning truer med at tage livet af sig, er det så en gidselsituation?

Er det en succes hvis en bog om fiasko ikke sælger godt?

Hvad ville der stå på skiltemalernes skilte, hvis de strejkede?

Hvorfor krymper får ikke når det regner?

Hvorfor er der redningsveste under flystolene, når det havde været bedre med
faldskærme?

Hvordan kommer fyren der kører sneploven på arbejde om morgenen?

Er sterilitet arveligt?

Hvis 7-11 har åbent døgnet rundt, 365 dage om året, hvorfor er der så lås på dørene?

Hvis der ikke er noget der klæber på teflon, hvordan får de så teflon til at sidde fast på panderne?

Hvis du kører med lysets hastighed, hvad sker der så når du tænder forlygterne?

Hvorfor laver de ikke fly af samme materiale som den sorte boks? Den holder jo altid.

Hvorfor skruer man ned for radioen, nar man sidder i bilen og ikke kan finde vej?

Hvis du binder et stykke smørebrød fast på ryggen af en kat, og slipper den fra stor højde, hvad sker der så?

Hvordan smider man en skraldespand væk?

Er det en succes hvis en bog om fiasko ikke sælger godt?

Kan en mand med tyk mave, have tynd mave?

Kan fisk blive tørstige?

Brummer brumbasser fordi de ikke kan teksten?

Hvordan kan det være at der aldrig er optaget når man ringer forkert?

Hvordan skriver man 0 med romertal?

Hvordan finder man ud af, hvis et ord i ordbogen er stavet forkert?

Når blinde mennesker bruger mørke solbriller, hvorfor bruger døve så ikke
ørevarmere?

Hvis gud kan ALT, kan han så lave en sten så stor så han ikke kan løfte den?

Hvis man smelter tør-is, kan man så tage bad uden at blive våd?

Hvis kærlighed gør blind, hvorfor er frækt undertøj så så populært?

Hvis dine knæ sad på den anden side af benet, hvordan ville en stol så se ud?

Hvis en harefod bringer held, hvad skete der så med haren?

Hvis supermand virkelig er så smart, hvorfor har han så underbukserne udenpå?

Hvis svømning er så sundt, hvorfor ser hvaler så ud som de gør?

Kan man tage noget imod kleptomani?

Hvad kalder man en kaffe-pause på en te-fabrik?

Hvad sker der hvis man bliver skræmt halvt til døde … to gange?

Hvad skete der med de første 6 UP’s?

Hvor hurtig er mørkets hastighed?

Da man første gang opfandt uret, hvordan vidste man så hvad det skulle stilles til?

Hvor bliver alt det hvide af, når sneen smelter?

Hvorfor kan man ikke kilde sig selv?

Hvorfor henretter man mordere, for at vise at det er forkert at dræbe?

Hvorfor siger man “et par bukser”, når der kun er ét stykke tøj?

Hvorfor skal man have en aftale for at besøge en synsk?

Hvorfor er en bokse-ring firkantet?

Hvorfor bliver en person der spiller på klaver kaldt pianist, når en der køre race ikke bliver kaldt en racist?

Hvorfor sømmer man låget fast på en kiste?

Hvordan kan det være at det kun er voksne der har problemer med børnesikrede flasker?

Hvorfor skal man trykke på “START” for at slukke for Windows 95?

Hvorfor er alfabetet i lige præcis den rækkefølge?

Hvorfor hedder det “myldre-tid” når alle bilerne kører langsomt?

Hvorfor er ordet “ordbog” i en ordbog?

Hvorfor er en pegefinger præcis samme størrelse som dit næsebor?

Hvorfor findes der ikke kattemad der smager af mus?

Synes kyllinger at gummi-mennesker er sjove?

Hvis der er nul grader udenfor i dag og det bliver dobbelt så koldt i morgen, hvor koldt bliver det så?

Hvor går skovridere hen for at “komme væk fra det hele”?

Kan et stykke sæbe blive snavset?

Hvorfor er der kun ét monopoltilsyn ?

Burde krematorier give rabat til brandofre?

Opfinder man nogensinde en soldrevet lommelygte?

Hvorfor sidder limen ikke fast på indersiden af tuben?

Hvis et rumskib flyver med nær-lysets hastighed, og det tænder forlygterne, hvad sker der så?

Hvor lave kan højtalere være?
Og hvis de er lave nok, er det så lavtalere?

Hvorfor holder man en flaske op i luften, og siger “SKÅL”?

Hvis Einstein var forkert på den, og E=mcRq, hvad står R og q så for?

Må en vegetar spise hundekiks?

Hvis en skilpadde ikke har et skjold, er den så hjemløs eller nøgen?

Hvorfor fortæller man om strømsvigt på TV?

Hvorfor er det kun baby-rovdyr som er nuttede, og ikke baby-harmløse dyr?

Hvis varm luft stiger til vejrs, hvorfor er der så så koldt på toppen af bjerge?

Hvis man vil skyde en mimer, skal man så bruge en lyddæmper?

Hvis vandet i dit toilet kommer fra Bermuda Trekanten, skulle du så nogensinde skylle ud?

Hvorfor er der ikke nogen som har opfundet en lommelygte som kører på solceller?

Hvorfor er der ikke nogen som har opfundet en vandtæt thepose?

Hvorfor er der ikke nogen som har opfundet brandsikre tændstikker?

Hvorfor er der ikke nogen som har opfundet dehydreret vand?

Må man svare ja/nej på spørgeskemaer angående køn?

De små slotte man kan få til akvarier, har de en voldgrav?

Hvorfor hedder det en TV-Guide, når den ikke fortæller hvor TV’et står?

Hvorfor er der ikke en forkortelse for “forkortelse”?

Er et program et tidligere amatørgram?

Hvordan får man dådyr til at krydse vejen ved de gule skilte?

Hvis det er turistsæson, hvorfor må man så ikke skyde dem?

Hvad bruger man til at sende kasser i?

Er det sandt at kanibaler ikke spiser klovne for de smager sjovt?

Til handicap-OL, har de så reserverede pladser til ikke-handicappede?

Kan du være en skabs-klaustrofob?

Hvis brandmænd bekæmper brande, hvad så med frihedskæmpere?

Hvorfor staves “phonetic” ikke som det udtales?

Hvorfor sælges der cigaretter på tankstationer, når der er rygning forbudt?

Hvorfor er der parkeringspladser ved barer, når man ikke må drikke og køre?

Hvorfor er det din næse som løber, og dine fødder som lugter?

Hvorfor hedder det en livsforsikring, når det egentlig er en dødsforsikring?

Hvorfor er Grønland hvid, mens Island er grøn?

Hvorfor hedder det et par bukser, men kun en BH?

Må kniv slikkes?
Måske.

Ka’ mus li’ grønsager?
Carotter?

Kan Line servere?
Kantine?

Kan de lækre larver lyse?
Kandelabre?

Kan Ilse spille kort?
Canasta?

Måske soldater ka’ svømme?
Kaskelotter(?)

Ka’n zigeuner synge?
Kantater?

Ku’ Black være navnet på et land?
Kuwait?

Var nøgen et spørgsmål?
Hva’bar?

Har Jørgen smagt øl?
Harbo?

Ka’ krager tisse?
Kaskader!
eller
Kaskader?

Ku’ lim sniffes på Stalins tid?
Kulak?

Ku’ Ping klippe?
Kupon?

Ka’ din ovn varme?
Kamin?

Ka’ havregryn sælges i ørkenen?
Kamel?

Ka’ Engell li’ sjusser?
Café?

Ska’ Ilse skære skære løg?
Skalotte?

Tog Mozart stoffer?
Tobak?

Se Rita ryge!
Cerut!

Ka’ Congo holde varmen?
Katanga?

Ku’ gæsten sende brevet?
Kuverten?

Ka’ man trille ost ned ad Strøget?
Camembert?

K’ k’ k’ ka’ ka ørne tale?
Kakaduer?

Æhh – ska’ hist være et tilflugtssted?
Eskapist!

Ka’ Mak holder fødderne varme?
Kamik?

Har Grethe spillet maveorgel?
Harmonika?

Ka’ kaffe li’ heste?
Cacaolikør!

Rearrange the letters and get:

DORMITORY: DIRTY ROOM

DESPERATION: A ROPE ENDS IT

THE MORSE CODE: HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES: CASH LOST IN ‘EM

ANIMOSITY: IS NO AMITY

MOTHER-IN-LAW: WOMAN HITLER

SNOOZE ALARMS: ALAS! NO MORE Z’s

A DECIMAL POINT: I’M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES: THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO: TWELVE PLUS ONE

ALEC GUINNESS: GENUINE CLASS

SEMOLINA: IS NO MEAL

CONTRADICTION: ACCORD NOT IN IT

ASTRONOMER: MOON STARER

PRINCESS DIANA: END IS A CAR SPIN

THE PUBLIC ART GALLERIES: LARGE PICTURE HALL
I BET

YEAR TWO THOUSAND: A YEAR TO SHUT DOWN

And for the grand finale:

PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA: TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS

“640K ought to be enough for anybody.” Bill Gates ’81
“Apple” (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton.
“Build a watch in 179 easy steps” by C. Forsberg.
“C++” should have been called “D”
“COINCIDENCE” happens.
“Hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s hand grenades I throw…”
“I’m looking for Mr. Dover, first name Ben..”
“If the shoe fits, buy it.” Imelda Marcos
“Is” is the verb for when you don’t want a verb.
“Keyboard? How quaint!” – Scotty
“Luke… Luke… Use the MOUSE, Luke” – Obi Wan Gates
“Please return stewardess to original upright position”
“Stupid” is a boundless concept.
“Suicide Hotline…please hold.”
“The faster you go, the shorter you are” – Einstein
“To err is human, to forgive….$5.00”
“Ummm, Trouble with grammar have I! Yes!” -Yoda-
“Vote for Perot” – Bumper sticker attached with velcro.
#include SWEEPING_GENERALITY.h
$$$ not found — (A)bort (R)efinance (B)ankrupt
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)*ckup completely?
(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer
(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened…
(C)1992 Wild Bill’s Machine Gun Shop and House of Wax.
(D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza
(You can have your cake) XOR (You can eat your cake)
(c) Copywight 1992 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
And if one bad cluster should accidentally fail…
.ASM programmers drive stick shifts.
/EARTH is 98% full. Please delete anybody you can
1 + 1 = ? Ask my calculator.
1 Minute Shut Mouth Worth 1 Hour Explanation
10 out of 5 doctors feel it’s OK to be skitzo!
11 was a race-horse, 22 was 12. When 1111 race, 22112.
1200 bps used to seem so fast
186,000/mps. It’s not just a good idea. It’s the law.
1st rule of intelligent tinkering – save all the parts
2 + 2 = 4 (for the time being).
2 + 2 = 5 (for sufficiently large values of 2)
2B, or not 2B, or should I use a biro.
3 dreaded words when making love: Is that it?
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
43% of all statistics are worthless.
43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wr…
5 schizophrenics agree!
668 – Neighbor of the Beast
69 is fine…but 77’ll get me 8 more…
9 out of 10 dentists recommend oral sex….
A Buddhist nudist practices yoga bare.
A Bugless Program is an Abstract Theoretical Concept.
A Smith & Wesson *ALWAYS* beats 4 Aces.
A bird in the hand can be messy.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
A camel is a horse planned by committee.
A can of worms full of Pandora’s boxes.
A chicken is an egg’s way of producing more eggs.
A closed mind gathers no intelligence
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
A critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned.
A cynic smells flowers and looks for the casket.
A day for firm decisions!!!!! Or is it?
A day without radiation is a day without sunshine.
A day without sunshine is like night.
A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing.
A dirty book is rarely dusty.
A drawing pin is an excited Smartie
A few cans short of a six pack, Six short.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
A fool and his money are soon partying!
A fool and his money rarely get together to start with.
A fool must now and then be right by chance.
A friend in need is a pain in the neck.
A good way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
A half moon is better than no moon at all.
A harp is a nude piano.
A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!
A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something.
A little bit of uh huh and a whole lot of oh yeah.
A little greed can get you lots of stuff.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.
A man, a plan, a canal. Suez!
A mind is a terrible thing to taste.
A mind is a terrible thing to ugg.. I forgot..
A neat desk is a sign of a sick mind.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act it out.
A penny saved is a Governmental oversight.
A penny saved is ridiculous!
A perversion of nature….how exciting!
A pessimist is never disappointed.
A rolling stone gathers momentum.
A stage? No, this is not a stage.
A waste is a terrible thing to mind.
Abandon all hope ye who have entered cyberspace.
Alex Haley was adopted!
All E-mail gladly received. Offensive reply ASAP.
All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power
All generalizations are bad.
All hope abandon, ye who enter messages here.
All hope abandon, ye who press ENTER here
All in all just another brick in the wall.
All life’s answers are on TV. – Bart Simpson
All stressed out, and no one to choke…
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
All the easy problems have been solved.
All things are green unless they are not.
All work and no play, will make you a manager.
All you need to be a fisherman is patience and bait.
Alone: In bad company.
Always draw your curves, then plot the data.
Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much.
Always glad to share my ignorance – I’ve got plenty.
Alzheimers advantage: New friends every day.
Amateur Time Lord
Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.
Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think.
An Elephant; A Mouse built to government specifications.
An egotist thinks he’s in the groove when he’s in a rut.
An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts.
An oyster is a fish built like a nut.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
An unemployed court jester is no one’s fool.
Anarchy means ignoring things that really piss you off!
And God said: E = +mv} – Ze}/r …and there *WAS* light!
And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
And he disappeared in a puff of logic.
And how can this be? For he IS the Kumquat Haagen
And it’s only ones and zeros.
And now for something completely else…
And now for something completely the same…
And now for something ruder…
And the days dwindle down to a precious few…
And then it goes… BOOOOOMMMM!!!
And there he was, reigning supreme at number two.
And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.
And, the driver compresses EVERYTHING, not just EXE & COM
Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly.
Anger blows out the lamp of the mind.
Another case of Cherry Coke down the programming hatch!
Another fine product from Bastards Inc.
Answers: $1 * Correct answers: $5 * Dumb looks: Free! *
Antidisestablishmentarianism!
Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, & complain. And most do.
Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs ther\C
Any wire cut to length will be too short.
As a matter of fact, no, I don’t have a life.
Atheist = Deity Disadvantaged.
Bald: follicularly challenged.
Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers
Black Holes are Out of Sight
Blessed are the pessimists, they make backups!
Bliss *IS* ignorance
Blood is thicker than water, and tastier.
Bo Peep did it for the insurance.
Bombs don’t kill people, explosions kill people.
Bonking with Barbie..
Borderline psychotic with hermit-like tendencies.
Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Bored? Drive the speed limit… in your garage.
Born Again Virgin.
Boy: A noise with dirt on it.
Brain dysfunction detected….
Brain over – Insert coin
Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think.
Breast size multiplied by IQ always equals 69
Breathing may be hazardous to your health.
Britannia waives the rules.
Bug off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes
Bugger me with a fish fork..
Bugs are Sons of Glitches!
Bugs, like coathangers, breed if unobserved.
Building Contractors, not to be confused with homemakers
Bullets speak louder than reason.
Bullshit makes the flowers grow and that’s beautiful.
Bumper sticker on a hearse: I’d rather be breathing
Bungee Jumper? Catch you on the rebound.
Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise
Bus error (Passengers dumped)
Bush wears a hat so he knows which end to wipe!
But my little voice TOLD me to do it!
But soft, what light through yonder tagline breaks?
But then again, I like cold toilet seats.
But what if I’m a figment of my OWN imagination?
Buy Land Now. It’s Not Being Made Any More.
C programmer run C programmer crash C programmer quit
CCITT: Can’t Certify I Trust Telecom.
CCITT: Can’t Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today
CD-WOM, Wead Onwy Memowy.
CEO of Dementia and Other Meaningless Entities.
CHIP: One California hi-way patrolman.
CODING: AN addictive Drug.
COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer.
CRASH: Normal termination.
CRIME CONTROL: Fire a warning shot into his HEART!
CYCLIC REDUNDANCY CHECK: Stocktaking at a Bike shop
California raisins murdered: Cereal Killer suspected
Call The Bates Motel BBS: 1-800-BIG-NIFE
Can I yell “movie” in a crowded firehouse?
Can you find the mispelled word in hear?
Can you repeat the part after “Listen very carefully”?
Can you say “Pervert”, I thought you could.
Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.
Captain’s Log, star date 21:34.5.
Card-carrying member of the cultural elite.
Castration takes balls.
Catholic girls, they never confess.
Cause of crash: Inadvertent contact with the ground.
Caution: Contents under pressure
Caution: Hungry Dieter May bite if provoked
Caveat emptor, no deposit no return, do not remove.
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Chastity is curable, if detected early.
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
Chernobyl used MACs
Chicken heads are the chief food of captive alligators.
Chipmunks roasting on an open fire.
Choosy perverts choose GIF.
Christ died for our sins, so let’s not disappoint him.
Christians do it with grace
Christmas comes, but once a year is enough.
Civilization – biggest syntax error in history!
Clark Kent is a transvestite.
Clean mind, clean body: take your pick.
Cleanliness is next to impossible.
Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get.
Clinton is one Bill, George Bush can’t veto…
Clones are people two.
Close your eyes and press escape three times.
Closed Hearing for the Caption Impaired…
Cocaine — the thinking man’s Aspirin.
Cocaine isn’t what it is cracked up to be.
Cole’s Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Come back ya pansie! I’ll bite yer legs off!
Coming Soon!! Mouse Support for Edlin!!
Coming soon: Netware for the Nintendo!
Commit the oldest sins the newest kind of ways.
Common sense isn’t…
Communism is like a mouth on a lollipop
Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence.
Computational Physicist and all around nice guy.
Computer: a million morons working at the speed of light.
Computers All Wait at the Same Speed!
Computers Rule 01001111 01001011
Computers are useless; they can only give answers.
Computers run on faith, not electrons.
Condense soup, not books!
Condom – external storage
Condominiums are not effective birth control.
Conformity obstructs progress.
Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools.
Confucius say: Man who meows ate pussy!
Confucius say: Man with no legs bums around.
Confucius say too much.
Confucius say: I didn’t say that!
Confuse People: Quote from the wrong message!
Confusion not only reigns, it pours.
Consolations, Consultations, Conflagrations.
Conspiracy: the opiate of the asses
Converse with any plankton lately?
Copyright the Intergalactic Thought Association
Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?
Couldn’t myself have better it said.
Count Dracula – your Bloody Mary is ready…
Cover your stump before you hump.
Crime does not pay…as well as politics.
Crime doesn’t pay… does that mean my job is a crime?
Crime wouldn’t pay if the Government ran it.
Cunnilingus is a real tongue twister!
DAM: Mothers Against Dyslexia.
DANGER! Computer store ahead, hide wallet!
DCE seeks DTE for mutual exchange of data.
DEFINE: De ting you get for breaking de law.
DEVICE=EXXON.SYS may mess up your environment
DILATE: To live longer.
DIODE: What happens to people who don’t die young.
DIVORCE =system(“echo y| erase \wife\*.*” );
DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND – the fault is with reality
DO {nothing} WHILE (HearFromMe==0)
DOS 5.0 Yesterday’s operating system, today!
DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse.
DOS-O-MANIA : Reboot is not kicking your computer again
DOS-O-MANIA : Root is not the book Alex Haley wrote.
DOWN WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!
Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C: mean?
Dain Bramaged.
Dangerous exercise: Jumping to conclusions.
Darth Vader! Only you would be so bold.
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
Database administrators do it with their relations
Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed.
Dawson’s First Law: You don’t have enough outlets.
Deaf, dumb, and blonde.
Death is 99 per cent fatal to laboratory rats.
Death is life’s answer to the question ‘Why?’
Death is life’s way of telling you you’ve been fired.
Death: to stop sinning suddenly.
Definition: pumpkin (v.): What people in Kentucky do.
Deflector shields just came on, Captain.
Delivered by Electronic Sled-Dogs…..Woof!
Democracy’s GREAT! Even George Bush can chunder!
Democrats Call for Amnesty, Reduced Sentences Likely.
Depart in pieces…. i.e., Split.
Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Dictator – a potato with a penis.
Did I just step on someone’s toes again?
Did Tarzan love Cheetah or Jane? – Pictures at 11.
Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion?
Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it.
Dime: a dollar with all the taxes taken out.
Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one’s country.
Dirty tags and they’re done dirt cheap.
Disclaimer: All opinions are not really opinions.
Disclaimer: Written by a highly caffeinated mammal.
Disks travel in packs.
Do NOT look into laser with remaining eyeball!
Do fish get thirsty?
Do not disturb. Already disturbed!
Do not fumble with a woman’s logic.
Do not put statements in the negative form.
Do not remove this tagline under penalty of the law.
Do steam rollers really roll steam?
Do the joke. Get the laugh. Move on.
Do vampires get AIDS?
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Doctor Who for president
Doctor, my brain hurts!
Documentation is the castor oil of programming.
Does killing time damage eternity?
Does the Enterprise use DOS v 2356.0?
Dogs crawl under Gates, software under Windows.
Don’t Take Life Seriously, It Is Not Permanent.
Don’t ask me, I have intermittent memory loss
Don’t ask me, I only work here.
Don’t ask me, I’m making this up as I go!
Don’t be a fool; Vulcanize your tool.
Don’t believe everything you hear or anything you say.
Don’t believe in miracles, expect them.
Don’t buy furs, it takes trees to make protest signs.
Don’t byte off more than you can multiplex.
Don’t confuse me with facts, my mind’s already made up!
Don’t crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers.
Don’t diet, download a virus to remove the FAT.
Don’t do what I SAY, do what I mean!
Don’t drink and drive – Smoke dope and fly home.
Don’t drink water. Fish make love in it.
Don’t force it, use a bigger hammer.
Don’t get stuck in a closet — wear yourself out.
Don’t just do something !!! Stand there !!!
Don’t just stand there, scratch my back!
Don’t just stand there…KNEEL!!
Don’t let school interfere with your education.
Don’t look at me in that tone of voice!
Don’t look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
Don’t mess with Murphy.
Don’t play stupid with me! I’m better at it.
Don’t press the keys so damned hard!
Don’t read everything you believe.
Don’t rush me. I get paid by the hour.
Don’t speak now, and forever hold your peace.
Don’t start with me. You know how I get.
Don’t steal – the government hates competition..
Don’t stop posting, a good laugh breaks up my day nicely
Don’t sweat it — it’s only ones and zeros.
Don’t talk unless you can improve the silence.
Don’t thank me for insulting you. It was my pleasure…
Don’t try to saw sawdust.
Don’t use no double negatives.
Don’t waste water. Pee on a friend.
Don’t worry, I’m fluent in weirdo.
Down with categorical imperative!
Down with ignurance!
Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing
Drilling for oil is boring.
Drink wet cement, and get completely stoned.
Dropped from my peeling lips like lousy fruit.
Dudley Moore is a phallic thimble.
Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!
EMS: Enhanced Money Scam
ERROR 103: Dead mouse in hard drive.
EXPANSION SLOTS: The extra holes in your belt buckle.
Easter is canceled this year. They’ve found the body.
Eat Crap! 10 Trillion flies can’t be wrong.
Eat the rich, the poor are tough and stringy
Egghead: What Mrs. Dumpty gave Humpty
Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.
Ego Gratification through Violence
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
Elevators smell different to midgets
Email me the rules, please!
Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery.
Enjoy me, I may never pass this way again.
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Enter that again, just a little slower.
Eschew obfuscation.
Evangelists do more than lay people.
Every purchase has its price.
Every why hath a wherefore.
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Everyone hates me because I’m paranoid
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.
Everything bows to success, even grammar.
Everything in our favor was against us.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Excellent time to become a missing person.
Excuse me while I dance a little jig of despair
Excuse me while I sharpen my tongue.
Experience: a name everyone gives to his mistakes.
Exploding piglets!!! My god, it’s raining bacon!
F.A.R.T….Fathers Against Radical Teenagers
FLOPPY DISK: Serious curvature of the spine.
FOR SALE: Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once.
Fact is solidified opinion
Fad: In one era and out the other.
Fahrvergnkie: (n) Sex in a Volkswagen.
Familiarity breeds attempt
Familiarity breeds children.
Famous last words – Don’t worry, I can handle it.
Famous last words – Icarus: Aaaahhhhhhhhh.
Famous last words – Jesus Christ: Father, beam me up.
Famous last words – Lion at the Circus of Rome: Burp..
Famous last words – You and what army?
Faster cars, colder beer, younger women, more money!
Fat Wars: May the Sauce Be With You.
Fat person: Nutritional Overachiever
Fatal Error Using Mouse. Replace and Bury Operator.
Features should be discovered, not documented.
Felines… nothing more than felines…
Fer sell cheep: IBM spel chekker. Wurks grate.
Figures won’t lie, but liars will figure.
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Find your aim in life, before you run out of ammunition
First thing you do is shoot all the lawyers
Fish and visitors stink in three days.
Flames to dev/null/here/is/a/quarter/now/go/buy/a/clue.
Flaming nuclear death to Smurfs
Flirt: A woman who thinks it’s every man for herself.
Floppy not responding. Format hard drive instead? (Y/N)
Folks who think they know it all bug those of us who do
Follow-ups to alt.nobody.really.cares
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
Fools rush in where Fools have been before!
Fools rush in wherever lottery tickets are sold
For Sale: Slightly used message. Enquire within.
For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision.
For sale, Toilet-seat cover. Barely used.
For the finest in brain candy.
Forget the Joneses…I can’t keep up with the SIMPSONS!
Forget the computer! Where’s my abacus??
Fortune vomits on my eiderdown yet again.
Four minus two is one and the same.
Free Nelson Mandela, while stocks last!
Free advice is worth what you pay for it
Freedom is just chaos with better lighting.
Friendly fire – ISN’T !
Friends are Friends, regardless of their baud rate!
Friends come and go, enemies accumulate.
Friendship is one soul in two bodies.
>From my brain, an organ with a mind of it’s own.
>From the Department of Redundancy Dept.
Funny, only sensible people agree with me.
GET A HAIRCUT!
GODISNOWHERE
GURU: One who knows more jargon than you.
Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
Gargle twice daily – see if your neck leaks.
General Failure reading John Dvorak
Genitalia is not an Italian airline.
George Orwell was an optimist.
Get a powerful right arm: subscribe to Playboy.
Get behind early so you have plenty of time to catch up.
Get the facts first – you can distort them later!
Gimme back my face! You’re getting it ugly.
Give a woman an inch and she’ll park a car in it.
Give a woman an inch and she thinks she’s a ruler.
Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
Go Lemmings, Go!!!
God I want patience, and I WANT IT NOW!
God does not play dice.
God heals and the doctor takes the fee.
God invented women because sheep can’t cook.
God is alive – he just doesn’t want to get involved.
God is love… Love is blind… Ray Charles is God!
Going out of my mind, back in 5 minutes.
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
Good day to let down old friends who need help.
Good girls go to heaven…but bad girls go EVERYWHERE!!
Goodness has NOTHING to do with it…..
Gotta love me!
Gravity brings me down
Gravity doesn’t exist. The Earth sux.
Great minds travel in the same sewers.
Greed is good! Greed is right! Greed works!
Grow your own dope… plant a man
Growing older is mandatory… growing up is optional!
Grub first, then ethics.
Gun Control means holding it in both hands.
Gun Control: Keep muzzle pointed at target.
Guns don’t kill people… death does.
Guns don’t kill people…, I KILL PEOPLE!
Guten TAG.
H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd!
HAL 9000, you’re pretty drunk aren’t you Dave?
HARDWARE: n. The part you kick.
HIC! HLLP I’M STUSCT IN BOOOZZZE WAREHUSE
Hackito ergo sum.
Hailing frequencies open, Captain.
Hams do it with frequency, till their gigahertz.
Happiness is Earth in your rear view mirror.
Happiness is a warm gun.
Happiness is a warm modem
Happiness is not a destination. It’s the trip.
Happiness is…receiving YOUR posts!!!!
Hard work must have killed someone!
Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
Have Tardis, will travel.
Have an adequate day.
Have cursor, will curse.
Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem?
Have you seen Quasimoto? I have a hunch he’s back!
Having two bathrooms ruins the capacity to co-operate.
He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.
He who Laughs, Lasts.
He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut.
He who dies with the most access, wins.
He who dies with the most toys… is *still* DEAD!
He who hesitates is constipated.
He who hesitates too long, must change his underwear.
He who hesitates………miss’es out !!!
He who laughs last is S-L-O-W.
He who laughs last probably made a backup.
He who let woman on top is fucking up.
He who lives by the sword eats with bloody hands.
He who lives by the sword laughs last.
He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end!
He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
He’s dead Jim. Grab his tricorder. I’ll get his wallet.
He’s dim, Jed
Heads I win… DITTO tails
Hell Hath No Pizza.
Hell, if you understood everything I said, you’d be me!
Help endangered species – adopt a KGB operative.
Help stamp out mental illness, or I’ll kill you!
Help stamp out, eliminate, and abolish redundancy!
Help! I’m lost somewhere in the Generation Gap.
Help! I’ve been stuck in here for years and years…
Here today, gaunt tomorrow.
Hey! Hacker! Leave those lists alone!
Hey! This is a morgue, not an amusement park!
Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??!
Hey!! When in Doubt Whip it Out!!!!
Hey, shit happens!
Hi! I can’t remember your name either.
Hindsight is always 20:20.
Hindsight is an exact science.
Hollow chocolate has no calories
Holy Smokes!….”the church is on fire!”
Honest! It’s only a cold sore!
Honey, I’ll be down in 10 minutes, I promise this time.
Honeymoon – the morning after the knot before.
Honeymoon Salad: Lettuce alone, with no dressing.
Honeymoon: time between “I do” and “you’d better”
Hors d’oeuvres–a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
Housework done properly, can kill you
Houston! do you read.
How come there’s only one Monopolies Commission?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
How do you get holy water?… Boil the hell out of it!
How do you pronounce my name? With reverence.
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalog!
How long will a floating point operation float?
How many consultants will fit onto the head of a pin?
How many weeks are there in a light year?
How much can I get away with and still go to heaven.
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
Humpty dumpty was pushed.
Hypochondria is the only disease I haven’t got.
I Have To Stop Now, My Fingers Are Getting Hoarse!
I M a tru beleever in hour edukashun sistum.
I PROMISE – I won’t upload in your mouth!
I admit it’s offbeat, but lets not get hysterical.
I always get my muckin words fuddled
I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.
I am a vampire. Please wash your neck.
I am both of us & so are you.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
I am functioning within established parameters.
I am in total control, but don’t tell my wife.
I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley.
I am sweet and lovable at all times.
I apologize to the deaf for the loss of subtitles.
I appreciate your not breathing while I smoke
I believe in a god which doesn’t need heavy financing
I bet you I could stop gambling.
I bought a cordless extension cord.
I came, I saw, I took LOTS of PICTURES!
I came… I saw… I stole your tagline.
I can do without essentials but I must have my luxuries
I can quit anytime I want; I just don’t want to!
I can resist anything but temptation.
I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving.
I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.
I can’t be overdrawn, I still have checks left!
I can’t hear you. There’s a banana republic in my ear.
I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!!
I could be arguing in my spare time.
I could prove God statistically.
I couldn’t care less about apathy.
I didn’t cheat, I just changed the Rules!
I distinctly remember forgetting that.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
I do this kind of stuff to him all through the picture.
I don’t need a disclaimer. I OWN the company.
I don’t want the world, I just want your half.
I drink to make other people interesting.
I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.
I feel so inar-inar-inar tic-u-late
I find myself beside a stream of empty thought
I float like an anchor and sting like a moth.
I get mail…….. I exist.
I give advice worth the price….free!
I got arrested in LA and boy am I beat!
I guess a cynic smells different.
I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
I have a 9600bps modem and 1.5bps fingers
I have a speech impediment… my foot.
I have already not made that point
I have given my pain a name..!!
I have seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence!
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
I haven’t lost my mind, I know exactly where I left it.
I hear what you’re saying but I just don’t care.
I is knot dain bramaged!
I just bought a cured ham. Wonder what it had?
I keep my .BAT files in D:\BELFRY
I know everything about everything, except that.
I know it all. I just can’t remember it all at once.
I like candy, especially the gooey kind with nougat!
I like to leave messages *before* the beep.
I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
I like to think of myself as a divide overflow.
I like two kinds of women: domestic and foreign.
I like women with big… HEARTS! YEAH! THAT’s it!
I like your approach, now let’s see your departure.
I look better on a woman!
I lost a button hole today.
I lost my knickers at Niagara.
I made it foolproof. They are making better fools!
I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up
I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
I mustanottagottalotta sleep last night.
I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget.
I never met a chocolate I didn’t like!
I owe, I owe, it’s off to work I go.
I parked my hard disk and now I can’t find it!
I post………. I am
I promise results, not promises.
I saw, I came, I cleaned it up.
I snatch kisses. (and vice versa)
I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone.
I still miss my ex-wife – but my aim is improving!
I think I strained a muscle I didn’t know I had!
I think sex is better than logic, but I can’t prove it.
I think the phrase rhymes with Clucking Bell
I think, therefore I am. I think.
I think. Therefore I am DANGEROUS.
I think…………….I am paid.
I thought I was mistaken but I was mistaken.
I tried an internal modem, but it hurt when I walk.
I tried switching to gum but couldn’t keep it lit.
I try to make everyone’s day a little more surreal.
I used to be disgusted, but now I’m just amused.
I used to be indecisive, now I’m not so sure.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re all right now.
I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
I used to spell badlie, but now I got worser.
I wake near the end of the day.
I want .50 cal machine guns as a factory option.
I warn you not to underestimate my powers.
I was arrested for walking in someone else’s sleep.
I washed my edible underwear and now they’re gone.
I went on a 30-day diet – and lost 30 days!
I will defend to your death my right to my opinion.
I wish life had a scroll-back buffer.
I would jog, but the ice would fall out of my glass.
I wouldn’t touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole!
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I’d like to, but last time I went I never came back..
I’d love to, but I have to fulfill my potential.
I’d love to, but I have to rotate my crops.
I’d love to, but I have to stay home and see if I snore
I’d love to, but I prefer to remain an enigma.
I’d love to, but I think you want the OTHER Luke.
I’d love to, but I’m trying to be less popular.
I’d love to, but I’ve dedicated my life to linguini.
I’d love to, but my crayons all melted together.
I’d love to, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
I’d love to, but my patent is pending.
I’d love to, but none of my socks match.
I’d love to, but there’s a disturbance in the Force.
I’d love to, but you know how we psychos are.
I’d rather have a 3.5″ hard one than a 5.25″ floppy one
I’d tell you more more, but you might blush.
I’ll eat anything that’s BRIGHT BLUE!!
I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!
I’ll have what the guy in the casket had.
I’ll have what the guy on the floor is having.
I’m Not Schizophrenic, And Neither Am I.
I’m a Bum…a BEACH Bum!
I’m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I’m perfect.
I’m an incorrigible punster, so don’t corrige me!
I’m an influential person, gravitationally speaking.
I’m as bored as a pacifist’s pistol.
I’m at the corner of Walk and Don’t Walk.
I’m easy to please as long as I get my way.
I’m just looking at your nametag, honest!
I’m making a career of evil.
I’m moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes.
I’m new and what’s all this then?
I’m not as dumb as you look.
I’m not as thunk as you drink I am.
I’m not broke, I’m just badly bent.
I’m not even going to ignore that.
I’m not fat just horizontally disproportionate.
I’m not loafing. I work so fast I’m always finished
I’m not lost, I’m “locationally challenged.”
I’m not lost, but I don’t know where I am.
I’m not on drugs. I am drugs.
I’m not real smart, but I can lift heavy things.
I’m not rude, I’m “attitudinally challenged”.
I’m not tense, just terribly A*L*E*R*T!!
I’m on the crest of a slump.
I’m pink, therefore I’m spam
I’m schizophrenic, What are you?
I’m so broke, I can’t even pay attention.
I’m spending a year dead for tax purposes.
I’m sure it’s clearly explained in the Zmodem DOC’s
I’m the person your mother warned you about.
I’m turning you in to the SPCA!
I’ve been seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
I’ve got Parkinson’s disease. And he’s got mine.
I’ve got a mind like a.. a.. what’s that thing called?
I’ve got morals. I just don’t know where they are.
I’ve got to sit down and work out where I stand.
I’ve had a hard drive, think I’ll crash.
I’ve had fun before. This isn’t it.
I’ve upped my standards, SO UP YOURS!
IBM: I’ve Been Misled
IBM: It may be slow, but at least it’s expensive.
IBM: you can buy better, but you can’t pay more
IF numcooks > .maxcooks THEN;SET V broth = ‘spoiled’;END
INTERLACE: To tie two boots together.
If Einstein Had Been Black It would be E=MC Hammer.
If I can’t fix it, it’s probably dead.
If I had anything witty to say, I wouldn’t put it here.
If I shot myself, my ex would sue me for the bullet
If I want any shit outta you I’ll squeeze your head.
If I want your stupid opinion, I’ll beat it out of you.
If I were here more often, I wouldn’t be gone so much.
If I were two faced, would I wear this one?
If Murphy’s Law can go wrong, it will.
If The Shoe Fits – The Sock Fits !
If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?
If all the ladies bend over, I would be very happy.
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail
If at first we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.
If at first you don’t succeed, hide your astonishment.
If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving isn’t for you.
If at first you don’t succeed, you’ve failed failed again
If brains were dynamite you couldn’t blow your nose!
If cows could fly, everyone would carry an umbrella.
If idiots could fly, this would be an airport.
If in doubt, make it sound convincing.
If it feels good do it, and if it does good feel it.
If it glows don’t touch it!
If it has feelings, its not cooked enough!
If it has tits or tires, there will be problems.
If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it.
If it isn’t original, it isn’t sin.
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing
If it screams it’s not food……yet. <>
If it works, tear it apart and find out why!
If it’s not going to plan, maybe there never was a plan.
If it’s not on fire, it’s a software problem.
If it’s stupid and works, then it ain’t stupid
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
If love is blind, why is Lingerie so popular?
If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
If nobody measures up, check your yardstick.
If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s intolerance.
If this is heaven, why am I bored out of my skull?
If truth is stranger than fiction, you must be truth!
If voting changed anything, they’d make it illegal.
If wishes were horses, dogfood would be a lot cheaper.
If ya can’t beat ’em…….RUN!
If you can read this you have a modem.
If you can’t be good, be careful.
If you can’t be offensive WHY BOTHER?
If you can’t debug it, deplug it.
If you can’t make it good, make it LOOK good.” B. Gates
If you can’t make it good, make it big.
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
If you didn’t get caught, did you really do it?
If you don’t care where you are, then you ain’t lost.
If you don’t like my opinion of you – improve yourself!
If you don’t think women are explosive, drop one!
If you have nothing to do, don’t do it here.
If you have nothing to say, please only say it once!
If you have to ask what jazz is, you’ll never know.
If you meet Ken Thompson on the road, kill him.
If you mess with something long enough it’ll break.
If you prick me, do I not get turned on?
If you see an onion ring, ANSWER IT!
If you smoke after sex, you’re doing it too fast.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
If you want your name spelt wrong, die.
If you’re a typical student, consider the fact there is
If you’re not confused, you’re not paying attention.
If your attack is going well, then it’s an ambush..
If your behind is in front, you turned around!
Ignorance can be cured. Stupid is forever.
Illiterate?… Write for free help.
Imagery is All In The Mind.
Immoral Majority Charter Member.
Impropriety is the soul of wit.
In God we trust, all others pay cash.
In a fight between you and the world, back the world.
In case of fire, yell “FIRE!”
In politics stupidity is not a handicap.
In the land of the witless, the halfwit is king.
In war there is no substitute for victory.
Include this in your CONFIG.SYS File: BUGS=OFF
Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence.
Inertia makes the world go round.
Inferiority complex: conviction by a jury of your fears.
Ingres is not a necessary precursor to Egress.
Innuendo: Italian Suppository.
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
Insert New Disk for Drive C: Press ENTER when ready.
Insert inevitable trivial witticism of your choice.
Interchangeable parts won’t.
Internal combustion engines are the dinosaurs’ revenge
Interstellar Matter is a Gas
Invisible Systems, Inc. If you don’t see it, we made it.
Iraq won the toss… and elected to receive.
Iraq’s national bird?, “DUCK”
Iraqi Bingo B-52..F-16..A-10.. F-18..F-117..B-2
Iron Law of Distribution: Them that has, gets.
Is FIDO a dog?
Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
Is it ok to use my AM radio after NOON?
Is it possible to feel gruntled.
Is that a flying saucer or a pie in the sky?
Is that a hard drive or are you just happy to see me?
Is this a machine? I don’t talk to machines! [Click]
Is this bullshit or fertilizer?
Is this the right room for an argument?
It ain’t easy being easy.
It all looks the same if you’re not the lead dog.
It depends on which end he tries to light.
It did what? Well, it’s not supposed to do that.
It is always better to sacrifice your opponent’s men
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
It is broke. It will not work. It does not go.
It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms.
It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
It is much easier to be critical than to be correct
It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
It really bothers me when people cut me o…
It said “Insert disk #3”, but only two will fit!
It works better if you plug it in.
It’s Tekonojikly better!
It’s a Tough Job! ….. So I’d Rather YOU do it.
It’s an ill wind that gathers no moss.
It’s bad luck to be superstitious.
It’s been a business doing pleasure with you.
It’s better to burn out than to fade away.
It’s clever, but is it art?
It’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
It’s easy to apply yourself, just use crazy glue!
It’s easy to be brave from a safe distance.
It’s hard to RTFM when you can’t find the FM..
It’s hard to be serious when you’re naked.
It’s life Jim, but not as we know it.
It’s more than a reader. It’s a message base manager!
It’s never too late to have a happy childhood
It’s not the bullet that kills you, it’s the hole.
It’s not the principle of the thing, it’s the money
It’s okay to be ugly…but aren’t you overdoing it?
It’s only a hobby … only a hobby … only a
It’s only ones and zeros.
It’s over when the fat lady sits on your face.
It’s smart to pick your friends — but not your nose.
It’s smart to pick your friends, but not to pieces.
It’s smart to pick your friends, but not your nose.
It’s starting to rain, .SQZ the animals into the .ARC !
It’s true, forgiveness IS easier to get than permission
It’s worse than that, he’s dead Jim.
Its a JOKE, like the funny kind but different.
Ivan Poorovitch, Russia’s new premier.
Ivo Andric – Yugoslavia’s First Nobel Laureate
JFK: I need this motorcade like a hole in my head!
JOYSTICK: Peripheral used by consulting adults.
James Bond rules. 00K.
Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
Jeez if you love honkus
Jesus Christ is the answer. Now, what was your question
Jesus Saves! But Gretzky scores on the rebound.
Jesus is coming back, and boy, is he ticked!
Jesus saves, Gretsky steals, he shoots, HE SCORES!
Jet Engine Theory -Suck, Squeeze, Bang, Blow!
Junior! Quit playing with your floppy.
Junk – stuff we throw away. Stuff – junk we keep.
Just because you’re STUPID ain’t no excuse.
Just don’t tell the asylum you saw me here
Just how much leg have I got
Just my two rubber ningis worth.
Just what part of “NO” didn’t you understand…?
Justice is incidental to law and order.
Justice: A decision in your favor.
Kamikaze Pilot Wanted: Experienced only need apply.
Karma, Let me guess, The Toyota Factory!
Keep NZ Beautiful…. emigrate.
Keep NZ beautiful. Swallow your beer cans.
Keep a clear head and always carry a lightbulb.
Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis.
Kicked wide of the goal with such precision.
Kill them all! …. Let God sort them out.
Kilroy occupied these coordinates.
Kite fliers keep it up longer.
Kleptomania: take something for it
Kleptomaniac: A rich thief.
Know God…No peace. No God…Know peace.
Know what I hate? I hate rhetorical questions!
Knowing Murphy’s Law won’t help either.
LATER……….AS IN MUCH!!
LISP: To call a spade a thpade.
Land of the Single Entendre…
Laugh and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
Laughter: The shortest distance between two people.
Lawyers: The larval form of politicians.
Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
Lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way!
Learn to splel, danmit!
Lesser artists borrow. Great artists steal.
Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it!
Let him who is stoned cast the first sin.
Let’s split up, we can do more damage that way.
Liberal – a power worshiper without power.
Libraries: There are no answers, only cross references.
Life is Roff when yer Stewpid
Life is a sandwich, and it’s always lunchtime
Life is a series of very rude awakenings.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease
Life is anything that dies when you stomp it!
Life is like a Car-wash and I’m on a bicycle.
Life is only as long as you live it.
Life is serious, but ART is fun!
Life is uncertain…eat dessert first!
Life sucks, but Death swallows!
Life would be easier if I had the source code.
Life’s a bitch, and then you marry one.
Life’s a witch, then you fly.
Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can’t like it.
Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you.
Likes and dislikes are among my favorites
Liposuction will destroy your FAT
Living poor is best left to those with no money.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener.
Love is grand. Divorce is twenty grand.
Love your neighbor but don’t get caught.
M.A.D.D.: Midgets Against Desk Drawers.
MASTURBATION…the human version of AUTOEXEC.BAT.
Macho does not prove Mucho.
Make it as simple as possible, but no simpler.
Make it do … Or do without.
Make like a Tom and Cruise.
Make like a bottom and split.
Make like a drum and beat it!
Make like a shepherd and get the flock out of here.
Make like a tree and leave.
Make somebody happy. Mind your own business.
Man has his will. Woman has her won’t!
Man invented language to satisfy his need to complain.
Man who get hit by car,get that run down feeling
Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
Marching to a different kettle of fish.
Marilyn Monroe? A vacuum with nipples.
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
Marriage? Sorry, I can’t mate in captivity.
Marry your mistress, create a job vacancy.
Mary had a little RAM — only about a MEG or so.
Mary had a little lamb, a little beef, a little ham.
Master Baiter
Mastermind specialist subject – the bleedin’ obvious..
Masturbation is coming unscrewed.
Math is the language God used to write the universe.
Matrimony isn’t a word, it’s a sentence.
May the Porsche be with you.
May you live in interesting times.
May your life be filled with experiences.
Maybe this world is another planet’s Hell.
Me know gammar. Me cood use it gud.
Mediocrity requires aloofness to preserve it’s dignity
Megabyte: A nine course dinner.
Memory is a thing we forget with.
Men play the game; women know the score.
Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence
Microfiche: Sardines.
Migratory lifeform with a tropism for parties
Mind if I rape your daughter
Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses.
Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.
Modem sex begins with a handshake.
Modem sex, the next best thing to being there.
Modem: What landscapers do to dem lawns.
Modems…..reach out and BYTE someone!
Mondays are the potholes in the road of life
Money is the root of all wealth.
Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired.
Monopoly? No, we just don’t want competition.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Most gays have heterosexual parents.
Most of us have been at work for several hours now.
Mother Nature is a bitch.
Mother is the invention of necessity.
Multitasking = 3 PCs and a chair with wheels!
Multitasking causes schizophrenia.
Multitasking: Reading in the bathroom
Murphy is out there… waiting…
Murphy was an optimist.
Must Go – My Rotweiler needs its teeth sharpened.
My Go amn keyboar oesn’t have any ‘s!
My God can beat up YOUR god…
My I.U.D. picks up Radio Windy.
My RAM’s not what it used to be, so don’t quote me.
My best friend is a social worker.
My computer has a terminal illness
My computer puts out.
My computer’s sick, I think my modem’s a carrier
My couch potato routine honed to perfection
My fallacies are more logical than your fallacies.
My foolish parents taught me to read and write.
My hat covers my head… Just like hair used to!
My head is sore, and there’s a hole in the brick wall!
My inferiority complexes aren’t as good as yours.
My karma ran over my dogma
My kingdom for a beer; half my beer for a woman.
My life may be strange, but at least it’s not boring
My lord, I have a cunning plan…
My lucky color just faded.
My message above. Your response here ____________.
My modem can beat up your modem.
My other car is a broom!
My other computer is a abacus.
My tagline can beat up your tagline!
My weight is perfect for my height… which varies.
NETWORK: What fishermen do when not fishing.
NO MORE BU__ SH__
NUMBER CRUNCHING: Jumping on a Computer.
Naaah, real men don’t read docs.
Nanosecond: Mork’s stunt man.
Neil Armstrong tripped.
Neurotic: Self-taut person.
Never argue with a woman when she’s tired, or rested.
Never assume. It makes an “ass” out of “u” and “me”.
Never before have so few puked so much on so many.
Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off
Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you
Never eat yellow snow!
Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.
Never go with the odds
Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist!
Never let your feet run faster than your shoes.
Never mind the facts – I know what I know.
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Never shove your granny while she’s shaving.
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
Never trust a man who can count to 1,023 on his fingers
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.
New Highway gets Railroaded.
Newsbytes – Microsoft announce EDLIN for Windows.
Next time you wave, use ALL of your fingers!!
Nihilism should commence with oneself.
Nil taurus excretum. No El Toro Poopoo either!
Ninety per cent of everything is crap.
Nitpicking: Not just a hobby, it’s a way of life!
Nitrate: Lower than the day rate.
No free lunch in an ecosystem.
No matter what they SAY, size IS important!
No matter where you go, there you are.
No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn’t work anyway.
No wanna work… wanna bang on keyboard!
No, I’m from NZ. I only work in Outer Space.
No?! Some people still read mail a packet at a time?!
Nodding the head does not row the boat.
None of you exist, my Sysop types all this in.
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
Not many people realize just how well known I am.
Not quite human any longer.
Not tonight honey… I have a modem
Nothing is 100% certain, bug free or IBM compatible.
Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come
Nothing is ever so bad that it can’t get worse.
Nothing is foolproof because fools are so ingenious
Nothing is impossible for anyone impervious to reason
Nothing recedes like success.
Nothing succeeds like excess.
Nothing this evil EVER dies!
Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.
Now is not a good time to annoy me
Now is the time for all good men to come to.
Now where did I put that rubber doll?
Nudist Camp sign – Sorry, Clothed for Winter.
Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
Nuke the baby seals for Jesus
OPERATOR! Trace this call and tell me where I am.
ORG.ASM Not Found. Wife not happy!
OS/2 – Not just another pretty program loader!
OS/2 – Windows with bullet-proof glass.
OS/2 VirusScan – “Windows found: Remove it? (Y/y)”
OUCH! Got my floppy caught in my PKZipper!
OUT TO LUNCH – If not back at five, OUT TO DINNER!
Objection, your Honor! My client is an idiot!
Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder
Objects in taglines are closer than they appear.
Obscenity is whatever gives a judge an erection.
Of all the people I’ve met you’re certainly one of them
Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.
Oh goody! Another Muranium Explosive Space Modulator!
Oh no you don’t! Your not stealing this one!
Oh no, not another learning experience!
Oh yeah? Well, beam *THIS* up, pal!
Okay – right after this one we’re BACK to the TOPIC
Old MacDonald had a computer with an EIE I/O
On a scale of 1 to 10, 4 is about 7.
On an electrician’s truck: Let Us Remove Your Shorts
On the other hand, you also have 5 fingers.
On the unlabeled disk? HELL they’re all unlabeled!
Once I thought I was wrong – but I was mistaken
One atom bomb can really ruin your day.
One good turn gets most of the blanket.
One in Kate Bush is worth two in the Hand.
One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do…
One legged girls are pushovers.
One man’s Windows are another man’s walls.
One man’s meat is another’s editor
One man’s upload is another man’s download
One night I came home very late. It was the next night
One way to stop a run away horse is to bet on him.
Only 19,999 lines of C++ to my next ski trip…
Only God can make random selections.
Only a wimpy God can’t get it right the first time!
Only cosmetologists give make-up exams.
Only the winners decide what were war crimes.
Open Mouth. Insert Foot. Chew Carefully.
Open mouth. Insert Foot. Echo internationally.
Open your drive door, honey.
Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo!
Optimization hinders evolution.
Originality is the art of concealing your sources.
Our houseplants have a good sense of humous.
Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal.
Outlaw junk mail, and save the trees!
Overload–core meltdown sequence initiated.
Oxymoron – Definite possibility
Oxymoron – Military Intelligence
Oxymoron: Bosnian Cease-Fire
Oxymoron: Soviet Union.
PCBackup: 1 of 1362 disks.
PI seconds is a nanocentury. – Tom Duff, Bell Labs
PIMP: a fornicaterer.
PKZip – it’s not just for downloads anymore
PMS- Presentation Manager Syndrome.
Pagan Missionary
Pagan and Proud
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
Palindrome isn’t one.
Pandemonium doesn’t reign here… It pours!
Paranoia is heightened awareness.
Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
Pardon my driving, I’m trying to reload.
Pascal: What’s it Wirth?
Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity.
Patience is a virtue that carries a lot of WAIT!
Peace through superior firepower.
Peanuts: The Drinking Man’s Filter.
People are always available for work in the past tense.
People say I’m apathetic, but I don’t care.
People who live in glass houses shouldn’t!
People will die this year that never died before
Permission for lip to wobble, Sir?
Perot/Bush/Quayle: The Millionaire, Skipper & Gilligan.
Pet Store: “Buy one, get one flea.”
Petroleum and coffee had no value a few centuries ago.
Photographers do it in dark rooms.
Pi R squared. Nooo! Pie R round, cornbread R square!
Pizza IS the four food groups!
Plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery.
Plagiarism prohibited, derive carefully.
Please don’t drink and post.
Please don’t filter this twit
Pobody’s Nerfect!
Poets go from bad to verse
Point not found. A)bort, R)eread, I)gnore.
Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy.
Political panjandrums prologize pedantic paronomasia.
Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun.
Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.
Polymer physicists are into chains.
Pornography? We don’t even have a pornograph!
Positive: Mistaken at the top of one’s voice.
Power corrupts, but we need electricity.
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
Praise the lord and pass the ammunition.
Predestination was doomed from the start.
Predicting the future of technology is fraud with peril!
Prepare to meet thy GOD! (Evening dress optional)
Press — to continue.
Press all the keys at once to continue…
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Procrastination: The art of keeping up with yesterday.
Programmers do it in loops.
Programmers get overlaid!
Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Prosecutors will be violated
Psychiatrists stay on your mind.
Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots.
Psychologists only do it if they feel good about it
Push any key. Then push the any other key.
Push the limit, and the limit will move away!
Put on your seatbelt. I wanna try something.
Put people on hold when possible.
Queen Elizabeth rules, UK?
Question Authority, ask me anything
RAID Antivirus – Kills Virus’s DEAD!!!
REALITY.DAT not found. Press any key to reset Universe.
REALITY.SYS Corrupted – Unable To Recover Universe
REALITY.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot universe? (Y/N/Q)
RECOVER.COM: a little slice of hell
RESTORE A: C:\VIRGINITY\*.* /S
Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Radioactive halibut will make fission chips.
Rampaging anarchist horde and floating beer party
Rap music is Oxymoron
Read what I mean, not what I write.
Real Programmers aren’t afraid to use GOTO’s.
Real men don’t set for stun.
Real men write self-modifying code.
Reality Is An Illusion Caused By Lack Of Acid
Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle buttons
Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
Reality is for people who can’t handle drugs.
Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
Really ?? What a coincidence, I’m shallow too!!
Recursive, adj.; see Recursive
Red ship crashes into blue ship – sailors marooned.
Redundancy: A Politician with an airbag in his car.
Refuse Novocain…Transcend Dental Medication!
Regal Lager, It’s not just a beer… It’s a palindrome!
Religion … is the opium of the masses.
Remember when safe sex meant not getting caught?
Remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.
Reputation: what others are not thinking about you.
Resistance Is Useless! (If < 1 ohm)
Return((usBirdInHand = 2 * InTheBush()));
Reusable Condoms: Just shake the fuck out of them.
Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow.
Revolution is the opiate of the intellectuals.
Richard Nixon means never having to say you’re sorry
Roses are red, Violet’s are blue, And mine are white.
Roses are red, and violets are too expensive for you.
Rotisserie: a ferris wheel for chickens
Round up the usual suspects!
Round, round, get around. I’ve gotten round!
Rubber bands have snappy endings!
Rugby is played by men with odd-shaped balls!
Russian Express Card motto: Don’t leave home!
SCUD : Sure Could Use Directions
SPECIMEN: An Italian astronaut.
STICK: A boomerang that doesn’t work.
STRING space corrupt? But I always use TAPE!
STUPIDITY is NOT a HANDICAP! Park elsewhere!
SUSHIDO the way of the tuna
SYNTAX? Why not–they tax everything else!
SYSOP’s read minds. But QWKly, very, very QWKly!
Saddam eats his Kurds
Sarcasm: barbed ire.
Save a whale, harpoon a fat person.
Save energy: be apathetic.
Save fuel. Get cremated with a friend.
Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes!
Save your money for a rainy day, or a new computer!
Say it with flowers – Give her a triffid.
Say yer prayers, y’ flea-bitten’ varmint.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
Schizophrenia rules. OK. OK.
Science asks why. I ask why not.
Science: preconception meeting verification.
Scientists discover life causes cancer.
Scrute the inscrutable, eff the ineffable.
See how you can be?
Seeing is deceiving. It’s eating that’s believing.
Send lawyers, guns, & money…
Sentient plasmoids are a gas.
Serfs up! – Spartacus
Serving the scum of Paris for over 300 years
Set mode=Extremely verbose
Sex is only a pain in the arse if you miss
Sex on TV can’t hurt you unless you fall off!
Sex, Sex, Sex… the pleasure of having a 1 track mind.
Sex: the most fun you can have without laughing.
Sexual Harassment starts at the office.
Shareware author dies: .GIF at eleven!
She is blonde/tall/beautiful, and as a Z80 for a brain
She was another one of his near Mrs.
Shell to DOS… come in DOS… Do you copy?
Shin – a device for finding furniture in the dark..
Short people are vertically challenged.
Should I or shouldn’t I?… Too late, I did!
Should I weed the lawn or say it’s a garden?
Sign here please:_______________________Thanks
Sign on Closed Nuclear Power Plant… “Gone Fission”
Sign on a clothing store – Come inside and have a fit.
Signito ergo sum – I sign therefore I am.
Sylvester Stallone: father of the RISC concept.
Simon says: don’t be so suggestible.
Sit down, you’re rocking the boat!
Six of one, 110 (base 2) of another.
Skating away on the thin ice of a new day.
Slit your wrists – it will lower your blood pressure.
Slower Traffic Keep Right – Is that so difficult?
Slug Sautee: a hors of a different d’oeuvre.
Small changes pick up the reins from nowhere.
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue
Smile if you are Jesus
Smiley faces were meant to be annoying.
Smoking is a leading cause of statistics.
Smurf exterminator.
So dry & yet so wet.
So many bytes, so few cps.
So many damsels, so little time
So many lawyers, so few bullets.
So many toys, so little time…
So much time, and so little to do.
Socialism is the equal distribution of poverty.
Software Independent: Won’t work with ANY software.
Software means never having to say you’re finished
Some days you’re a bug, some days you’re a windshield.
Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the hydrant!
Some days, nothing goes left.
Some people are afraid of heights. I’m afraid of widths
Some people are so nice to be nasty to.
Some things have got to be believed to be seen.
Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
Something is rotten in the state of confusion.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
Sometimes they just grow, and grow, and grow…
Sorry about your Rectocranial Inversion.
Sorry, my English is not very good. No punt intended.
Space is an illusion, disk space doubly so.
Space is big. Really big.
Speaking only for myself, one of my many tricks.
Spell chequers dew knot work write.
Spelling problems? use “error-correcting” modems!
Spice is the variety of life.
Squeeze my Lemon, till the juice runs down my leg…
Stamp out philately!
Stand on the toilet, get high on pot.
Standing there making a sitting target of himself.
Steal my cash, car and TV – but leave the computer!
Stealth condoms: she’ll never even see you coming…
Sterility is hereditary.
Strike any user when ready.
Strip mining prevents forest fires.
Stroking a furry pussy will get you scratched.
Subvert the dominant paradigm!
Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticism.
Sumo Wrestling: survival of the fattest.
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocius
Supernovae are a Blast
Support bacteria – it’s the only culture some people have!
Support the helpless victims of computers.
Surprise your boss. Get to work on time.
Swish, two, three, four! Swish, two, three, four!
System Crash (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
THE GOLDEN RULE: He who has the gold makes the rules
THIS definitely takes, eats and shits the cake.
TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
Tact: knowing how far to go too far.
Tact: making a point without making an enemy.
Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
Talk is cheap because Supply exceeds Demand.
Tampons $1 a dozen! No strings attached!
Taurus Excretum Ad Infinitum….
Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
Teamwork is essential. It gives them another target.
Techno Pagan.
Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
Terminator bumpersticker: I TIME TRAVEL NAKED.
Texas Toilet paper, it don’t take s**t off anyone.
Thank you very little.
That ain’t so good English!
That must be wonderful! I don’t understand it at all.
That that is is not that that is not.
That was ZEN — this is TAO
That’ll be $67.50 CCCHHHHHIIIIINNNNGGGG!!!!
That’s inches away from being millimeter perfect.
The 11th COMMANDMENT – Thou shalt not be a smartass!
The Czech’s in the mail. Sending Frenchman by FAX.
The French defense isn’t…
The Hubbell works fine; all that stuff IS blurry!
The Lab called,….. Your brain is ready!
The Official Offline Reader of The Lunatic Fringe!
The UARTs won’t take this speed, Captain
The Universe is a big place… perhaps the biggest
The Vatican Express Card. Don’t leave Rome without it.
The ballot is stronger than the bullet.
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
The best substitute for experience is being sixteen.
The best way to accelerate a Mac is at -9.8 m/s}
The best way to keep friends is not to give them away.
The best way to win an argument is to be right.
The buck doesn’t even slow down here!
The cause of problems are solutions!
The cost of feathers has risen… Now even DOWN is up!
The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
The cream rises to the top. So does the scum…
The dentist said my wisdom teeth were retarded.
The dog ate my .REP packet.
The dreadful burden of having nothing to do.
The drunker I sit here, The longer I get.
The first blonde is the cheapest.
The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with i
The first myth of management is that it exists.
The fish that escaped is the big one.
The floggings will continue until morale improves!
The further I go, the behinder I get.
The game’s a little bit wide open again.
The gene pool has no lifeguard.
The hangman let us down.
The hardest thing about time travel is the grammar.
The large print giveth and the small print taketh away.
The little engineer that could
The margin is very marginal.
The meek shall inherit the earth, if that’s OK with you
The mind is like a parachute – it works only when open.
The moral majority is neither.
The patient’s taken a turn for the nurse.
The penalty for bigamy is having two mothers-in-law.
The pendulum has gone full circle.
The polls show 8 out of 5 schizophrenics agree!
The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers.
The rich get richer; the poor get babies.
The road to success is always under construction.
The score didn’t really reflect the outcome.
The shortest distance between two points is off the wall
The simple explanation always follows the complex solution
The sixth sheikh’s sixth sheep’s sick.
The superfluous is very necessary.
The thrill is gone, the thrill is gone baby
The unnatural, that too is natural.
The vine Jane! No the vine! aaiiieeeee…
The way to a man’s heart is through the left ventricle.
The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.
The whole world is about three drinks behind
The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
The world is so big and so global now.
The worst day’s fishing is better than the best day’s w
Then do the pelvic thrust.
Then somebody spoke, and I went into a dream….
There are 2 ways to handle women and I know neither.
There are many things I could say…

De fleste kender nok en lang række af de gamle danske ordsprog, men nok ikke i den nudanske form. Nedenfor er nogle eksempler på sådanne ordsprog. Prøv nu selv at oversætte til de ordsprog, der dækker over de enkelte eksempler.

1) Tilstedeværelsen af overflødig kulinarisk assistance kan forårsage en væsentlig forringelse af fødevarernes art og konsistens.

2) Selv en mindre topografisk forskydning i kørebanens overfladeprofil kan medføre en så drastisk forskydning af et vehikels massemidtpunkt, at en ulykke bliver den umiddelbare følge.

3) Blandt heste kan der, efter indtagelse af de for dem forelagte foderstoffer, opstå visse interanimalske interaktioner, kendetegnet ved adfærdsmønstre af en overvejende aggresiv karakter.

4) Efter gentagne gange frugtesløst at have forsøgt at opnå fysisk kontakt med et bestemt træs frugter, udtalte ræven sarkastisk: “Jeg tør udtrykke formodning om, at disse frugters ph-værdi er væsentligt lavere end 7.”

5) Personer, der er optagne med entreprenørarbejde med henblik på overrumplende underminering af andres geofysiske eksistensgrundlag, må kalkulere med visse væsentlige statistiske risici for selv at blive offer for ovenfor omtalte virksomhed.

6) Almenneskelige samhørighedsfølelser af ældre dato udviser sjældent eller aldrig begyndende tendens på oxydering.

7) Blandt endnu ikke konfirmerede personer af begge køn, der har været udsat for indgående kontakt og kendskab med forbrændingsprocessers oxidative forløb, næres en udbredt modvilje mod gentagen berøring med samme.

8) Social nød og økonomisk elendighed er den væsentligste faktor til upåklædte hunkønsvæseners indtræden i tekstilbranchen.

9) Det må ej anses for tilrådeligt, at ansatte og selverhvervende henhørende under bagerierhvervet overvurderer produktionsapparatets energetiske ydeevne og fysiske kapacitet.

10) Individer, der er hensat i transparente domiciler, bør ikke anvende fragmenter af geologisk oprindelse som kasteskyts.

11) Forhenværende væskeemballerende cylindriske beholdere udviser i påfaldende grad omvendt proportionalitet mellem tidligere fyldningsgrad og nuværende evne til lydfrembringende virksomhed

Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise man to be able to sell it.

He is considered the most graceful speaker who can say nothing in most words.

“Home, Sweet Home” must surely have been written by a bachelor.

10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.

A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone somewhere is having fun.

A clash of doctrine is not a disaster – it is an opportunity.

A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

A good memory does not equal pale ink.

A hammer sometimes misses its mark – a bouquet never.

A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon of gold.

A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance from Jack.

A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.

A liberal is someone too poor to be a capitalist and too rich to be a communist.

A man paints with his brains and not with his hands.

A plucked goose doesn’t lay golden eggs.

A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.

A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work. A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.

About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.

Academy: A modern school where football is taught.

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves.

Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.

All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time.

All in all it’s just another brick in the wall…

All that glitters has a high refractive index.

America’s best buy for a nickel is a telephone call to the right man.

Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.

As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong? Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, If God won’t have you, the devil must.

Better living a beggar than buried an emperor.

Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.

Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.

Biggest security gap – an open mouth.

Blessed are they that run around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.

Business will be either better or worse. – Calvin Coolidge

By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.

Can anyone remember when the times were not hard, and money not scarce? Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished? Yes, work never begun.

Change your thoughts and you change your world.

Charity: A thing that begins at home and usually stays there.

Chinese saying: “He who speak with forked tongue, not need chopsticks.”

Courage is your greatest present need.

Creditors have much better memories than debitors.

Culture is the habit of being pleased with the best and knowing why.

Death: To stop sinning suddenly.

Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won’t see his face.

Disk crisis, please clean up! Disk crunch – please clean up.

Do not clog intellect’s sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.

Do not merely believe in miracles, rely on them.

Do not take life too seriously; You will never get out of it alive.

Do not underestimate the power of the Force.

Don’t eat yellow snow.

Don’t force it, use a bigger hammer.

Don’t get stuck in a closet – Wear yourself out.

Don’t hit the keys so hard, it hurts.

Don’t look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.

Don’t look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder

Don’t speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

Education helps earning capacity. Ask any college professor.

Even a cabbage may look at a king.

Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.

Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.

Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.

Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.

Every purchase has its price.

Everybody needs a little love sometime; Stop hacking and fall in love! Everyone is enthusiastic about your work. Everything you know is wrong! Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.

Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital.

Fidelity: A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.

Finagle’s Law: The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.

Flee at once, all is discovered.

Friends: People who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.

Genius is the talent of a man who is dead.

God may be subtle, but he isn’t plain mean.

God must love the common man; He made so many of them.

Greatness is a transitory experience. It is never consistent.

Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others.

He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another’s mishap.

He that would govern others, first should be the master of himself.

He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.

He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.

He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.

He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.

He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.

He who hates vices hates mankind.

He who hesitates is sometimes saved.

He who invents adages for others to peruse takes along a rowboat when going on a cruise.

He who laughs, lasts.

He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes.

He who spends a storm beneath a tree, takes life with a grain of TNT.

How sharper than a hound’s tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.

How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.

How you look depends on where you go.

I am a computer. I am dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.

I came to MIT to get an education for myself and a diploma for my mother.

I like work; It fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.

I’m a Hollywood writer; So I put on a sports jacket and take off my brain.

If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands.

If at first you don’t succeed, quit; Don’t be a nut about success.

If you ask how much it is, you can’t afford it.

If you suspect a man, don’t employ him.

If you think before you speak, the other guy gets his joke in first.

If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law.

Ignorance is when you don’t know anything and somebody finds it out.

In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.

Institute: An archaic school where football is not taught.

Integrity has no need for rules.

It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.

It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.

It is better to have loved and lost – much better.

It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.

It is better to wear out than to rust out.

It is easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them.

It is easier to run down a hill than up one.

It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.

It seems to make an auto driver mad if he misses you.

It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.

It’s a poor man who blames his tools.

It’s all in the mind, ya know.

It’s better to burn out than to rust.

It’s better to burn out than to fade away.

It’s later than you think.

It’s not reality that’s important, but how you perceive things.

Journalism will kill you, but it will keep you alive while you’re at it.

LISP: To call a spade a thpade.

Laugh, and the world ignores you. Crying doesn’t help either.

Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.

Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.

Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

Liar: One who tells a unpleasant truth.

Life is a game of bridge – and you’ve just been finessed.

Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.

Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; That smells AWFUL.

Long computations which yield 0 (zero) are probably all for naught.

Losing your driver’s license is just God’s way of saying “BOOGA, BOOGA!”

Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.

Love is in the offing, said the homicidal maniac.

Love is in the offing. Be affectionate to one who adores you.

Make it work before you make it faster.

A man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.

A man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.

Man’s horizons are bounded by his vision.

Many are called, few are chosen. Fewer still get to do the choosing.

Many are called, few volunteer.

Many are cold, but few are frozen.

Many pages make a thick book.

Many receive advice, few profit from it.

Memory should be the starting point of the present.

Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science.

Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.

Men still remember the first kiss after women have forgotten the last.

Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.

Money may buy friendship but money can not buy love.

Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years.

Multics is security spelled sideways.

Never give an inch!

Never insult an alligator until you have crossed the river.

No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

No problem is insoluble in all conceivable circumstances.

Nobody can be as unagreeable as an uninvited guest.

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.

Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.

Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.

Paranoia doesn’t mean the whole world really isn’t out to get you.

People who take cat naps don’t usually sleep in a cat’s cradle.

People will buy anything that’s one to a customer.

Philosophy: Unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.

Please go away.

Power is poison.

Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword.

Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.

Quit work and play for once!

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.

Reading is thinking with someone else’s head instead of one’s own.

Reality is for people who can’t deal with drugs.

Religions revolve madly around sexual questions.

Rotten wood can not be carved – Confucius (Analects, Book 5, Ch. 9)

Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.

Save gas, don’t eat beans.

Sign on bank: “FREE BOTTLE OF CHIVAS WITH EVERY MILLION-DOLLAR DEPOSIT.”

Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.

Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.

Some men are discovered; Others are found out.

Stability itself is nothing else than a more sluggish motion.

Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.

Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you.

Stop searching forever. Happiness is unattainable.

Sturgeon’s Law: Ninety percent of everything is crud.

Success is a journey, not a destination.

Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.

Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

That must be wonderful! I dont understand it at all.

That which is not good for the swarm, neither is it good for the bee.

That’s what she said.

The Tree of earning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad.

The attacker must vanquish; The defender need only survive.

The best prophet of the future is the past.

The decision doesn’t have to be logical, it was unanimous.

The early worm gets the bird.

The end of labor is to gain leisure.

The famous politician was trying to save both his faces.

The finest eloquence is that which gets things done.

The future isn’t what it used to be. (It never was.)

The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.

The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none.

The important thing is not to stop questioning.

The life which is unexamined is not worth living.

The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.

The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.

The plural of spouse is spice.

The pride of greatness is responsibility.

The program is absolutely right; Therefore the computer must be wrong.

The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.

The time is right to make new friends.

The universe is laughing behind your back.

The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.

There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch. (TANSTAAFL).

There are more old drunkards than old doctors.

There is no heavier burden than a great potential.

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.

There is no such thing as pure pleasure; Some anxiety always goes with it.

There is no time like the pleasant.

There’s so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.

This fortune is inoperative. Please try another.

Those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach. Those who cannot teach, HACK! Those who can, do; Those who can’t, simulate.

Those who in quarrels interpose must often wipe a bloody nose.

Those who talk don’t know. Those who don’t talk, know.

Time and tide wait for no man.

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.

Time is nature’s way of making sure that everything doesn’t happen at once.

To criticize the incompetent is easy; It is more difficult to criticize the competent.

To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.

To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.

To teach is to learn.

Today is a good day to bribe a high ranking public official.

Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage.

Today is the last day of your life so far.

Too clever is dumb. – Ogden Nash

Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.

Troubles are like babies; They only grow by nursing.

Truthful: Dumb and illiterate.

Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.

Trying to get an education here is like trying to take a drink from a fire hose.

Two men look out through the same bars; one sees mud, and one the stars.

Vests are to suits as seat-belts are to cars.

Volcano – a mountain with hiccups.

Waste not, get your budget cut next year.

We learn from history that we do not learn anything from history.

What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.

What happens when you cut back the jungle? It recedes.

What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.

What sin has not been committed in the name of efficiency? What this country needs is a good five cent microcomputer.

When the wind is great, bow before it; When the wind is heavy, yield to it.

Where the system is concerned, you’re not allowed to ask “Why?”.

With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.

Words are the voice of the heart.

Words must be weighed, not counted.

Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.

You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity.

You can never trust a woman; She may be true to you.

You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.

Your education begins where what is called your education is over.

Your ignorance cramps my conversation.

Your mind understands what you have been taught; Your heart, what is true.

Youth is the trustee of posterity.

Den, der kommer først til mølle, får først malet.

De er sure sagde ræven. Den kunne ikke nå rønnebærrene.

Man skal ikke græde over spildt mælk.

Den, der ager med stude, kommer også med.

Klog mand tisser ikke mod vinden.

Renlighed er en god ting. Hun vendte særken juleaften.

Brændt barn lugter ilde.

Den ved hvor skoen trykker, som selv har den på.

Man skal ikke kaste med sten, når man bor i et glashus.

Et tag i skridtet er bedre end ti skridt på taget.

Alt nyt er ikke ret, alt gammelt er ikke slet.

Man skal ikke sælge skindet før bjørnen er skudt.

Den, som ikke kan være tilfreds med livet, vil aldrig blive tilfreds med noget. (Epikur)

Det der kommer fra hjertet, går til hjertet.

Der findes mennesker, der kender alt og intet ved. (Kant)

Gammel kat vil have unge rotter.

Fødselen gør os vel til mennesker,men lærdom og undervisning til fornuftige mennesker. (Aristoteles)

En ungkarl er en ung mand, som har været heldig. (W. Winchell)

Det eneste, vi behøver at frygte, er frygten selv. (Franklin D. Roosevelt)

Ingen klog mand diskuterer med en kvinde, der er træt eller udhvilet. (Maurice Chevalier)

Mange mennesker forsømmer den lille lykke, fordi de forgæves venter på den store. (Pearl S. Buck)

Ægteskab er som en åleruse, de, der er ude, vil ind og de, der er inde vil ud.

Hustru skal man ikke vælge med øjnene, men med ørerne.

Hvad ville vi kvinder sige, hvis mændene hvert år ændrede længden på deres bukser? (Lady Astor)

Man bliver aldrig træt af at arbejde for sig selv.

Jeg kan modstå alt – undtagen fristelser. (Oscar Wilde)

Selv om aben klæder sig i silke, bliver den ved med at være abe.

Den fattige mand er ikke den, der kun ejer lidt, men den, der begærer mere. (Seneca)

Det er ikke nogen dårlig egenskab ved en fortælling, at man kun forstår halvdelen. (Karen Blixen)

Den, der altid vil have det sidste ord,kommer snart kun til at tale med sig selv.

Det er tit den selvsamme kvinde, der inspirerer os til store bedrifter og hindrer os i at udføre dem. (Alexander Dumas)

Æblerne på den anden side af muren er de sødeste.

Med en nøgle af guld kommer man gennem alle døre.

For sent at vogte ild, når huset står i brand.

Jo færre kvinder, jo mindre vrøvl.

En kvinde uden mand er som en fisk uden cykel.

Hvad nytte gør en ko, der giver rigeligt mælk, hvis hun vælter spanden.

Ungdom er en fejl, der går over med årene.

Ingen mand er rig nok til at købe sin fortid tilbage. (Oscar Wilde)

En dame er en kvinde, hvis nærværelse har til følge, at mændene opfører sig som herrer.

Den, der frygter for at komme til at lide, lider allerede af det, som han frygter. (Montaigne)

Enhver mand synes, at han er den interessanteste i verden. (C. C. Christensen)

Des bedre, jeg lærer mænd at kende, des mere beundrer jeg hunde.

Jeg gad vide, hvor mødrene har lært alt det, de forbyder deres døtre. (Eddie Cantor)

Man burde altid være forelsket. Det er grunden til at man aldrig skulle gifte sig. (Oscar Wilde)

Det er ikke arbejdet, der dræber en mand, men bekymringerne.

Mange mennesker elsker tre ting uden at forstå sig på dem: Kunst, musik og kvinder. (Fontenelle)

Frygt ikke en klog fjende, frygt en dum ven.

Kvinden er rævesmilet i Herrens blik. (Kaj Munk)

Når en kvinde først er mor, er hun ikke længere en falden kvinde ligegyldigt, hvordan hun så er blevet det. (Kaj Munk)

Af mad på fad og vin i glas er lidt for lidt præcis tilpads. (Piet Hein)

Husk at elske, mens du tør det. Husk at leve, mens du tør det. (Piet Hein)

Mennesket har mulighed for glæder uden tal. Den største af dem alle er at kunne når man skal. (Piet Hein)

Jeg ville ikke kunne holde hende ud undtagen på en øde ø, hvor der ikke var udsigt til nogen anden form for forsyninger. (Mark Twain)

Mænd er som luft, men hvem kan trække vejret uden? Erfaring er en kam, som naturen forærer os, når vi er blevet skaldede.

Forsagthed har aldrig vundet et kvindehjerte.

Alt kan købes, undtagen tid.

Intet menneske er uden fjender.

Gud give dig rigdom, min søn, thi kundskab hjælper næppe.

Trist er det hus, hvor hønen galer, og hanen er tavs. (Spansk ordsprog)

Der er mere filosofi i en flaske vin end i gamle bøger (Louis Pasteur)

En hund er klogere end en kvinde, den knurrer aldrig af sin herre.

Betro kvinden en hemmelighed, men skær tungen af hende.

Man skal ikke dømme træet efter barken.

Man er kun rigtig forelsket i en kvinde hvis man synes, hun er lige så dejlig, som hun selv synes. (Al Jolson)

Alle er modige, når fjenden flyr.

Det er forfængeligheden, der ødelægger den unge kvinde og gør den gamle latterlig. (Madame De Flahaut)

Den der tager barnet ved hånden, tager moderen ved hjertet.

I dette land kan man alt, blot man ikke spørger om det. (P. A. Alberti)

Vær smuk! Erobring ved første øjekast sparer tid og ulejlighed (Mae West)

Der findes i verden tre væsener, der fjerner sig, når de synes at nærme sig allermest: krabber, kvinder og diplomater … (Sylvia Kilmuir)

Dovenskab er Guds gave. Den skal bare administreres. (Palle Lauring)

Kvinden er bedre, meget bedre end manden; men en ond kvinde er værre end en ond mand (Sophus Bauditz)

Stol mere på øjnene end på ørerne.

Der er tre slags mænd, som ikke forstår sig på kvinder: Unge, gamle og midaldrene.

De unge tror, at de gamle er tåber og de gamle ved at de unge er det.

Den er rig som ingen gæld har.

Hvis du drikker, dør du; hvis du ikke drikker, dør du – Så hellere drikke.

Kærligheden er en episode i mandens liv, den er kvindens hele eksistens. (Lord Byron)

Døm hellere en mand efter hans spørgsmål end efter hans svar (Voltaire)

Den der fandt på arbejdet, må ikke have haft noget at bestille.

Mænd arbejder og tænker, men kvinder føler. (C. Rosetti)

Man skal smede, mens jernet er varmt.

Gift dig ikke for pengenes skyld, det er billigere at låne.

Gå til glasset med din glæde, men gå ikke til flasken med din sorg. (G. K. Chesterton)

Dumme tanker har enhver. Kun de kloge holder dem for sig selv. (Wilhelm Busch)

Den som er forelsket i sig selv har ingen rivaler.

Gud helbreder, lægen tager betalingen.

Der er kun to perioder i en mands liv, hvor han ikke forstår en kvinde. Det er før og efter hans bryllup. (Walter Winchell)

Små børn tramper på dit skød, store på dit hjerte.

Ungkarle forstår sig mere på kvinder end gifte mænd. Ellers havde de jo giftet sig. (H. L. Mencken)

Smukke kvinder skal man tjene, men ikke tro. Desværre fastsætter loven ingen straf for kvinder, der forfører mænd (August Strindberg)

En gammeljomfru er et indefrosset tilgodehavende. (Jane Russel)

De mennesker, der aldrig har tid, udretter mindst. (Lichtenberg)

Det er utroligt, som vort syn på alderen skifter med alderen. (Soya)

Den ideale ægtemand er et ubekræftet rygte. (Brigitte Bardot)

Tomt hoved giver trætte fødder.

Man fornærmer kvinder ved at se for meget på dem, man sårer dem ved ikke at se nok på dem. (G. M. Valtour)

Der findes ingen mere hyggelig kombination, end mand, kvinde. (Menander)

Det sværeste ved at gøre gode forretninger er at afstå fra de dårlige. (Simon Spies)

Mænd har flere problemer end kvinder – blandt andet kvinder. (Francoise Sagan)

Slankeråd: Spis normalt, drik med måde, elsk til overflod.

Et stykke fedtebrød uden salt er som et kys uden kærlighed.

Den der sladrer til dig sladrer også om dig.

Nyt kød gi’r ny appetit.

Har man ingen bekymringer skaffer man sig nogle.

Ung hustru hjælper gammel mand til graven.

De gamle bukke har de stiveste horn.

Arbejde er det bedste tidsfordriv.

Kvinder kan være slemme at have men værre at miste.

Den fraværende har sjældent ret.

Det er det nederste i flasken folk bli’r så fulde af.

Det er en kær gæst, som sjældent kommer.

Venner vælger man, naboer får man.

Beskedenhed er en dyd, men man kommer længere uden.

At gifte sig er at halvere sine rettigheder og fordoble sine forpligtelser.

Kloge mænd skifter mening – de dumme aldrig.

Den som ved meget, taler lidt.

Den er diplomat, som husker en kvindes fødselsdag, men glemmer hendes alder.

Styr hest med bidsel og kone med kæp.

Man kan vælge mellem at elske kvinderne og at kende dem.

Det er med ideer som med små børn, man er gladest for sine egne.

Man klager over sin hukommelse – aldrig over sin forstand.

Fjærte mus som hest, da revne røv og balder brage.