Top ten things MEN would do if they woke up and had a vagina for a day

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

7. See if it’s truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes…BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynaecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too…

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

5 spørgsmål mænd frygter mest

De 5 spørgsmål mænd frygter mest er:

Spørgsmål 1: “Hvad tænker du på?”

Den korrekte måde at besvare dette spørgsmål på, ville selvfølgelig være: “Undskyld hvis jeg har været lidt eftertænksom skat. Jeg sad blot og tænkte over hvilken varm, vidunderlig, betænksom, omsorgsfuld og intelligent kvinde du er, og hvor heldig jeg er for at have mødt dig.”

Denne besvarelse tåler naturligvis ingen sammenligning med det sande svar, som højst sandsynligt vil være et af følgende:

a. Fodbold.
b. Biler.
c. Hvor tyk du er.
d. Hvor meget smukkere hun er end dig.
e. Hvordan jeg ville bruge forsikringssummen hvis du døde.

Det bedste svar på spørgsmålet er måske nok det som Al Bundy engang sagde til Peg: “Hvis jeg syntes du skulle vide hvad jeg tænkte på, så havde jeg talt til dig!”

Spørgsmål 2: “Elsker du mig?”

Det bedste svar er: “JA!” eller, hvis du føler et mere uddybende svar vil være på sin plads, “Ja, skat.” Upassende svar ville f.eks. være:

a. Ville det gøre dig glad hvis jeg sagde ja?
b. Det kommer an på hvad du mener med “elsker”.
c. Betyder det noget?
d. Hvem, mig?

Spørgsmål 3: “Ser jeg tyk ud?”

Det korrekte svar er et eftertrykkeligt: “Selvfølgelig ikke!”
Blandt de forkerte svare er:

a. Sammenlignet med hvad?
b. Jeg ville ikke kalde dig tyk, men du er heller ikke ligefrem tynd.
c. Lidt ekstra vægt klær’ dig.
d. Jeg har set det der var tykkere.
e. Kan du gentage spørgsmålet? Jeg sad lige og tænkte over hvordan jeg ville
bruge forsikringssummen hvis du døde.

Spørgsmål 4: “Synes du at hun er pænere end mig?”

Endnu engang vil det korrekte svar være et eftertrykkeligt: “Selvfølgelig ikke!”
Forkerte svar kunne f.eks. være:

a. Ja, men du har en bedre personlighed.
b. Ikke pænere, men absolut tyndere.
c. Ikke så pæn som du var, da du var lige så ung.
d. Definér pæn.
e. Kan du gentage spørgsmålet? Jeg sad lige og tænkte over hvordan jeg ville
bruge forsikringssummen hvis du døde.

Spørgsmål 5: “Hvad ville du gøre hvis jeg døde?”

Et spørgsmål der simpelthen ikke findes et korrekt svar til. Det sande svar ville selvfølgelig være, “Købe en sportsvogn og en båd”.

Uanset hvordan du besvarer dette spørgsmål, så vær forberedt på mindst en times opfølgende spørgsmål, der som regel går i retning af det følgende:

KVINDE: Ville du gifte dig igen?
MAND: Absolut ikke!
KVINDE: Hvorfor ikke – kan du ikke lide at være gift?
MAND: Selvfølgelig kan jeg det.
KVINDE: Hvorfor ville du så ikke gifte dig igen?
MAND: Okay, så ville jeg nok gifte mig igen.
KVINDE: Ville du? (med et såret udtryk i ansigtet)
MAND: (sukker højlydt)
KVINDE: Ville du sove med hende i vores seng?
MAND: Hvor skulle vi ellers sove?
KVINDE: Ville du erstatte billederne af mig, med billeder af hende?
MAND: Det ville jo nok være det mest passende at gøre.
KVINDE: Og ville du lade hende bruge mine golfkøller?
MAND: Dem kan hun ikke bruge; hun er venstrehåndet.
KVINDE: . . . . stilhed . . . .
MAND: Dooohh!

15 grunde til hvorfor agurker er bedre end mænd:

1. Agurker er hårde i helt op til en uge.

2. Agurker er nemme at finde.

3. Du kan føle på en agurk i et supermarked og finde ud af hvordan den er inden du tager den med hjem.

4. Med en agurk skal du kun betale for et enkeltværelse. Og du behøver ikke at indskrive dig i gæstebogen som Fru Agurk.

5. En agurk vil altid respektere dig morgenen efter.

6. En agurk vil ikke have dig med til en John Wayne Film Festival.

7. En agurk er ligeglad med om du er jomfru eller ej.

8. En agurk er ligeglad med hvad tid på måneden det er.

9. En agurk er ikke alergisk overfor din kat.

10. En agurk vil ikke have dig til at tage frækt lædertøj på og gå i seng med støvler på.

11. Du kan have lige så mange agurker som du vil.

12. En agurk vil ikke lave en scene hvis der er en anden agurk i køleskabet.

13. En agurk vil aldrig forlade dig for en anden agurk.

14. En agurk forventer aldrig at i får små agurker sammen.

15. Det er nemt at slippe af med en agurk.

The first worthwhile chain letter

This chain letter was developed by virile men in order to make their sex life even more fantastic. As opposed to normal chain letters, this one costs nothing, and you can only win. Simply send this e-mail to 10 of your best friends who are just as virile as you. Then anaesthetize your wife/fiancée/girlfriend, put her in a large carton (don’t forget to punch some ventilation holes) and send it to the person who is at the top of your chain list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list, and you will receive 823,542 women through the post. Statistically, among those women, will be at least
0.5 Miss Worlds
2.5 models
463 wild nymphos
3,234 good-looking nymphos
20,198 who enjoy multiple orgasms
40,198 bi-sexual women
In total, that makes 64,294 women who are simply hornier, less inhibited, and tastier than the one you posted off. Best of all, your original package is guaranteed not to be one of those that come back to you.

DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN LETTER

One bloke, for example, who sent the letter to only 5 instead of 10 of his friends got his original bird back, still in the dressing gown he sent her off in, with the same old migraine attack, and the accusatorial statement on her face. On the same day, the supermodel he’d been living with since he sent off his old girlfriend moved out to live with his best friend (to whom he had not sent the chain letter.)

While I am sending this letter, the bloke that is in 6th place above me has already received 837 women and is lying in hospital suffering from exhaustion. Outside his ward are 452 more unopened packages!

BELIEVE THIS E-MAIL

This is a unique opportunity to achieve a totally satisfying sex life. No expensive meals out, no lengthy conversations about trivialities (that only interest women) just so that you can make love to her. No obligations, no mother-in-law, and no unpleasant surprises (like engagements or marriage).

Do not hesitate: send this letter today to 10 of your best friends.

PS This letter can also be copied to women you know so that they can prepare themselves for the great adventure that they may soon have to undertake.

Mænd, kvinder og olieskift

Kvinder:

1. Kør ind til Kvik Centeret, når bilen har kørt 5.000 km. siden sidste olieskift.
2. Drik en kop kaffe.
3. Skriv en check 15 minutter senere, og kør derfra med en korrekt vedligeholdt bil.

Mænd:

1. Kør til Alt-i-bil Reservedele og skriv en check på 350 kr. for olie, filter, håndrensemiddel, grus og et Wonderbaum-træ.
2. Opdag at spildolie-beholderen er fuld. I stedet for at indlevere den til genbrug, dumper du den i et hul i haven.
3. Åben en øl og drik den.
4. Løft bilen op med donkraften. Brug en halv time på at lede efter standerne til at hvile bilen på.
5. Find standerne under børnenes gokart.
6. Åben og drik endnu en øl i bare frustration.
7. Placere en spand til den brugte olie under motoren.
8. Led efter værktøjet du skal bruge.
9. Opgiv og brug hvad end du kan finde.
10. Skru bundproppen af.
11. Tab bundproppen i spanden med varm olie; få varm olie på dig selv i processen.
12. Ryd op.
13. Drik en øl mere mens olien løber ud.
14. Led efter tangen til oliefilteret.
15. Opgiv; stik i oliefilteret med en skruetrækker og vrist filteret af.
16. Øl.
17. En ven dukker op. Drik resten af kassen sammen med ham. Færdiggør olieskiftet i morgen.
18. Næste dag: Træk spanden med gammel olie ud fra under bilen.
19. Smid grus på det olie du spildte under punkt 18.
20. Øl. Nåå, nej – drak det hele i går.
21. Gå hen til tanken; køb øl.
22. Påsæt det nye oliefilter – og husk på at påføre et tyndt lag frisk olie på pakningen først.
23. Hæld første fjerdedel af den friske olie i motoren.
24. Arrgh! Husk bundproppen fra punkt 11.
25. Find hurtigt bundproppen i spanden.
26. Isæt bundproppen i en fart, så hele den første portion frisk olie ikke løber ud på gulvet.
27. Mist grebet på tangen og slå dine knoer mod kanten af motoren.
28. Slå dit hoved ned i gulvet i ren refleks.
29. Band og svovl som det aldrig er hørt før.
30. Kast tangen.
31. Band i yderligere 10 minutter fordi tangen ramte Miss December (1992) i venstre babs.
32. Ryd op; påfør knoerne forbinding.
33. Øl.
34. Øl.
35. Hæld resten af den friske olie i motoren.
36. Øl.
37. Sænk bilen ned.
38. Bøj ved et uheld den ene støtte.
39. Skub bilen tilbage og påfør mere grus til det spildte olie fra punkt 23.
40. Kør bil.

Male rules

We always hear the rules from the female side. Now here are the male rules for women!

Note: they are all numbered ‘1.’ ON PURPOSE

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Don’t cut your hair. EVER! Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on the calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes — tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during adverts.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first four months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as golf, the curves on Naomi Campbell or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn’t matter which quiz.

1. Football is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don’t mind that, it’s like camping.

Castaways – a modern sociological tale

In a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the
following people are stranded:

* 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
* 2 French men and 1 French woman
* 2 German men and 1 German woman
* 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
* 2 English men and 1 English woman
* 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
* 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
* 2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
* 2 American men and 1 American woman
* 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman.

One month later on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the
middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

* One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian
woman.
* The two French men and the French woman are living happily
together in a menage-a-trois.
* The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating
visits with the German woman.
* The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek
woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
* The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to
the English woman.
* The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean
and another long look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming.
* The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting
instructions.
* The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor store and a
restaurant/laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to
supply employees for their store.
* The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide,
because the American woman keeps on complaining about her body, the true
nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity
of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and
palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her
opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship
with her mother is improving, and how at least the taxes are low and it
isn’t raining.
* The two Irish men divided the island into North and South and
set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture
because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut
whiskey. But they’re satisfied because at least the English aren’t
having any fun.

De originale “Murphy’s love”

1 : Det er umuligt at lave noget idiotsikret da idioter er for opfindsomme

2 : Udskiftelige komponenter kan ikke udskiftes.

3 : Efterspørgslen for en komponent er omvent proportional med udbudet af komponenten.

4 : Tolerancer vil akkumulere i modsat retning mod et maximum af problemer ved samling.

5 : Hermetiske sejl vil altid blive utætte.

6 : Efter et instrument er blevet succesfuldt samlet vil der altid være komponenter tilbage.

7 : Et tabt værktøj vil lande der hvor det laver mest skade (Også kendt som “Loven om selektiv gravitation”).

8 : Enhver sikkerheds faktor som er sat ved praktiske eksperimenter vil altid blive overgået.

9 : Den mest logiske måde at samle komponenter vil være den forkerte.

10 : Antallet af fejl i et elektronisk kredsløb ,vil stige ligefremt proportional med kvadratroden af antallet af forbindelser.

11 : Nødvendigheden af at lave en stor dessign ændring stiger jo nærmere man kommer færtiggørelsen.

12 : Et fejl-sikret kredsløb vil ødelægge andre.

13 : Sansynligheden for fejl er omvent proportional med letheden for reperation og ombytning.

14 : En fejl i et kredsløb vil ikke optræde før kredsløbet har passeret den endelige inspektion.

15 : Hvis en forkert manual kan blive brugt, er der nogle der vil bruge den.

16 : Hvis en flyvemaskine del kan instaleres forkert ,er der en der vil samle den på den måde.

Murphy’s Laws

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Whenever a system becomes completely defined,some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.

Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs,then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilisation.

The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.

The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he`ll believe you Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch to be sure.

All great discoveries are made by mistake.

Always draw your curves then plot your reading.

Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

All’s well that ends.

A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours lost.

The first myth of management is that it exists.

A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection.

New systems generate new problems.

To err is human,but to really foul things up requires a computer.

We dont know one millionth of one percent about anything.

Any given program,when running is obsolete.

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.

Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day’s work.

Some people manage by the book,even though the don’t know who wrote the book or even what book.

The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the servicemen.

To spot the expert,pick the one who predicts the job will take longest and cost the most.

After all is said and done,a hell of a lot more is said than done.

Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete,two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under developement.

A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.

If mathematically,you end up with the wrong answer,try multiplying by the page number.

Computers are unreliable,but humans are even more so.Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.

Give all orders verbally; Never write anything down that might go into a “Pearl Harbour” file.

Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity and other variables, the organism will do as it damn well pleases.

If you can’t understand it, its intuitively obvious.

The more cordial the Buyer’s secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.

In designing any type of construction, no overall dimensions can be totalled correctly after 4.30pm on a Friday. The correct total will become self evident on Monday at 8.15am.

Fill whats empty and empty whats full and scratch where it itches.

All things are possible exept skiing thru revolving doors.

The only perfect science is Hindsight.

Work smarder not harder and watch yor speling.

If its not in the computer it doesn’t exist.

If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

When all else fails, read the instructions.

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

Everything that goes up must come down.

An instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.

Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.

Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will use it.

The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.

Argument skit

A large, slightly dusty educational type of institution. In the reception area sits a person of the female persuasion, typing. Mr Reg Punter enters and approaches her.

PUNTER Good morning.
RECEPTIONIST Good morning, sir. Can I help you?
PUNTER Well, I’d like to have an argument, please.
RECEPTIONIST Certainly, sir. Have you been here before?
PUNTER No, this is my first time.
RECEPTIONIST I see. Do you want to have a single argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?
PUNTER Well… what would be the cost?
RECEPTIONIST It’s two pounds for a five-minute argument, but only fifteen pounds for a course of ten.
PUNTER I see… well, I think it’s probably best if I start with the one, and see how it goes…
RECEPTIONIST Fine – I’ll see who’s free at the moment.

She consults her file.

RECEPTIONIST Er… Mr Ouspensky is free, but he’s a little bit conciliatory. Yes… try Mr Nicoll, Room 12.
PUNTER Thank you.

Punter walks in the direction indicated, sees Room 12, knocks and enters.

NICOLL (shouting) What do you want?
PUNTER …Well, I was told outside…
NICOLL Don’t give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!
PUNTER What?!
NICOLL Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type makes me PUKE! You vacuous, toffee-nosed, scrofulous pervert!
PUNTER Look! I came here for an argument, not to be…
NICOLL Oh!… Oh, I’m sorry! This is ABUSE.
PUNTER Ah!
NICOLL No, no. You want 12A, next door.
PUNTER I see, sorry!
NICOLL Not at all, that’s all right.

Punter exits.

NICOLL Stupid git.

Punter goes to the next door, and knocks.

BENNETT Come in!

Punter enters.

PUNTER Er… Is this the right room for an argument?
BENNETT …I’ve told you ONCE.
PUNTER No you haven’t.
BENNETT Yes I have.
PUNTER When?
BENNETT Just now!
PUNTER No you didn’t.
BENNETT Yes I did.
PUNTER Didn’t.
BENNETT Did.
PUNTER Didn’t.
BENNETT I’m telling you I did!
PUNTER You did not!
BENNETT Oh, I’m sorry… I should have asked… Is this a five-minute argument or the full half hour?
PUNTER Oh!

He smiles with relief.

PUNTER Just the five-minute one.

Bennett notes this.

BENNETT Fine.. thank you. Anyway, I did.
PUNTER You most certainly did not.
BENNETT Now let’s get this thing QUITE clear. I most definitely told you.
PUNTER You did not.
BENNETT Yes I did.
PUNTER You did not.
BENNETT Yes I did.
PUNTER You didn’t.
BENNETT Yes I did.
PUNTER You didn’t.
BENNETT Yes I did.
PUNTER You didn’t.
BENNETT Yes I did.
PUNTER Didn’t!
BENNETT Yes I did.
PUNTER …Look, THIS isn’t an argument
BENNETT Yes it is.
PUNTER No it isn’t, it’s just contradiction.
BENNETT No it isn’t!
PUNTER Yes it is.
BENNETT It is no!
PUNTER It is! You just contradicted me!
BENNETT No I didn’t!
PUNTER Ooh, you did!
BENNETT No, no, no, no, no…
PUNTER You did, just then!
BENNETT Nonsense.
PUNTER Oh, look… this is futile.
BENNETT No it isn’t!
PUNTER I came here for a good argument.
BENNETT No you didn’t. You came here for an ARGUMENT.
PUNTER Well, argument’s not the same as contradiction.
BENNETT It can be.
PUNTER No it can’t! An argument’s a collected series of statement to establish a definite position.
BENNETT No it isn’t!
PUNTER Yes it is, it isn’t just contradiction.
BENNETT It can be.
PUNTER But it isn’t just saying ‘No it isn’t’.
BENNETT Yes it is!
PUNTER It isn’t. Argument’s an intellectual process – contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says.
BENNETT No it isn’t.
PUNTER Yes it IS!
BENNETT Not at all.
PUNTER Now look, I…

Bennett suddenly rings a bell on his desk, notes the time and makes an entry in a file. Punter stares.

BENNETT Thank you. Good morning.
PUNTER What?
BENNETT That’s it… good morning.
PUNTER But I was just getting interested.
BENNETT Sorry, the five minutes is over.
PUNTER …That was NEVER five minutes…
BENNETT I’m afarid it was.
PUNTER (quickly) No it wasn’t!
BENNETT …Sorry. I’m not allowed to argue any more.
PUNTER What?
BENNETT If you want me to go on arguing, you’ll have to pay for another five minutes.
PUNTER But that was never five minutes just now… Oh, come on!

A pause.

PUNTER Oh, this is ridiculous!
BENNETT I’m very sorry, but as I told you, I’m not allowed to argue unless you pay.
PUNTER Oh, all right…

Punter takes his wallet out and gives Bennett the fee.

PUNTER There you are.
BENNETT Thank you.

Bennett pockets it and looks at Punter.

PUNTER Well?
BENNETT ‘Well’ what?
PUNTER That was never five minutes just now.
BENNETT (with great patience) I told you, I’m not allowed to argue unless you pay.
PUNTER (flabbergasted) …I just paid!
BENNETT No you didn’t.
PUNTER I did!
BENNETT You didn’t!
PUNTER I did!
BENNETT You didn’t!
PUNTER I did! Look – I don’t want to argue about that.
BENNETT Well, I’m very sorry, but you didnt’t pay!
PUNTER …Aha! Well, if I didn’t pay, why are you arguing?

A pause.

PUNTER Got you!
BENNETT …No you haven’t.
PUNTER Yes I have! If you’re arguing, I MUST have paid.
BENNETT Not necessarily… I COULD be arguing in my spare time.
PUNTER Oh, I’be had enough of this.
BENNETT (quickly) No you haven’t!
PUNTER Oh, shut up!

Punter storms out of the room and walks hurriedly into another skit.

Source MONTY PYTHON’S FLYING CIRCUS, 2 November 1972

Original cast Mr PUNTER Michael Palin
Mr NICOLL Graham Chapman
Mr BENNETT John Cleese