Taken from resumes submitted to various employers

„1881-1995; spent my time teaching and going to school for computer science.‟

„Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.‟

„I am a great team player I am.‟

„I am anxious to spread my wings in new directions and soar to new heights.‟

„I am writing to you, as I have written to all fortune 1000 companies every year for the past three years, so solicit employment.‟

„I’m a lean, mean, marketing machine. ‟

„I have lurnt WordPerfect 6.0, computor and spreadsheat progroms.‟

„I never take anything for granite,‟

„Overlooked all areas to ensure an overwhelming success.‟

„Received a plague for ‚Salesperson of the Year'‟

„Shot at the local gun club.‟

„Terminated after saying. ‚It would be a blessing to be fired.'‟

„Very experienced with out-house computers‟

„Wholly responsible for two failed financial institutions.‟

Qualifications: „I have a current passport.‟