Taken from resumes submitted to various employers

“1881-1995; spent my time teaching and going to school for computer science.”

“Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”

“I am a great team player I am.”

“I am anxious to spread my wings in new directions and soar to new heights.”

“I am writing to you, as I have written to all fortune 1000 companies every year for the past three years, so solicit employment.”

“I’m a lean, mean, marketing machine. ”

“I have lurnt WordPerfect 6.0, computor and spreadsheat progroms.”

“I never take anything for granite,”

“Overlooked all areas to ensure an overwhelming success.”

“Received a plague for ‘Salesperson of the Year'”

“Shot at the local gun club.”

“Terminated after saying. ‘It would be a blessing to be fired.'”

“Very experienced with out-house computers”

“Wholly responsible for two failed financial institutions.”

Qualifications: “I have a current passport.”