An impressive Papal Person sits on a ritzy throne in the middle of a large Catholic sort of room. We hear a cry of ‘Michelangelo to see the Pope’. An attendant enters.

ATTENDANT Michelangelo to see you, Your Holiness.
POPE Show him in.

Michelangelo enters.

MICHELANGELO ‘Evening, Your Grace.
POPE Good evening, Michelangelo. I want to have a word with you about this ‘Last Supper’ of yours.
MICHELANGELO Oh yes?
POPE I’m not happy with it.
MICHELANGELO Oh, dear. It took HOURS.
POPE Not happy at all…
MICHELANGELO Do the jellies worry you? No, they add a bit of colour, don’t they? Oh, I know – you don’t like the kangaroo.
POPE …WHAT kangaroo?
MICHELANGELO I’ll alter it, no sweat.
POPE I never saw a kangaroo!
MICHELANGELO Well, it’s right at the back, but I’ll paint it out, no problem. I’ll make it into a diciple.
POPE Ah!
MICHELANGELO All right now?
POPE That’s the problem.
MICHELANGELO What is?
POPE The diciples.
MICHELANGELO Are they too Jewish? I made Judas the MOST Jewish.
POPE No, no – it’s just there are twenty-eight of them.
MICHELANGELO Well, another one would hardly notice, then. So I’ll make the kangaroo into a diciple…
POPE No!!
MICHELANGELO …All right, all right… we’ll lose the kangaroo altogether – I don’t mind, I was never completely happy with it…
POPE That’s not the point. There are twenty-eight diciples.
MICHELANGELO …Too many?
POPE Of course it’s too many!
MICHELANGELO Well, in a way, but I wanted to give the impression of a huge get-together… you know, a REAL Last Supper – not any old supper, but a proper final TREAT… a real mother of a blow- out…
POPE There were only twelve diciples at the Last Supper.
MICHELANGELO …Supposing some of the other happened to drop by?
POPE Tere were only twelve diciples ALTOGETHER.
MICHELANGELO Well, maybe they’d invited some friends?
POPE There were only twelve diciples and Our Lord at the Last Supper. The Bible clearly says so.
MICHELANGELO …No friends?
POPE NO friends.
MICHELANGELO …Waiters?
POPE No!
MICHELANGELO …Cabaret?
POPE No!!
MICHELANGELO But you see, I LIKE them. They fill out the canvas. I mean, I suppose we could lose three or four of them, you know, make them…
POPE (loudly, ex cathedra) There were only twelve diciples and Our Lord at the Last…
MICHELANGELO I’ve got it, I’ve got it!!! We’ll call it… ‘The Penultimate Supper’
POPE What?
MICHELANGELO There must have been one. I mean, if there was a last one, there must have been one before that, right?
POPE Yes, but…
MICHELANGELO Right, so this is the ‘Penultimate Supper’. The Bible doesn’t say how many people were at THAT, does it?
POPE Er, no, but…
MICHELANGELO Well, there you are, then.
POPE Look!! The Last Supper is a significant event in the life of Our Lord. The Penultimate Supper was NOT… even if they had a conjurer and a steel band. Now I commissioned a Last Supper from you, and a Last Supper I WANT!
MICHELANGELO Yes, but look…
POPE Twelve diciples and one Christ!
MICHELANGELO …ONE?!
POPE Yes, ONE.

Michelangelo is momentarily speechless.

POPE Now will you please tell me what in God’s name possessed you to paint this with THREE Christs in it?
MICHELANGELO It works, mate!
POPE It does NOT work!
MICHELANGELO It does, it looks great! The fat one balances the two skinny ones!
POPE (brooking no argument) There was only ONE Saviour…
MICHELANGELO I know that, everyone knows THAT, but what about a bit of artistic licence?
POPE (bellowing) ONE REDEEMER!!
MICHELANGELO (shouting back) I’ll tell you what you want, mate… you want a BLOODY PHOTOGRAPHER, NOT A CREATIVE ARTIST WITH SOME IMAGINATION!!
POPE I’ll TELL you what I want – I want a Last Supper, with one Christ, twelve diciples, no kangaroos, by Thursday lunch, or you don’t get paid!!
MICHELANGELO You bloody fascist!!
POPE Look, I’m the bloody POPE I am! I may not know much about art, but I know what I like…

Source: Amnesty Gala A POKE IN THE EYE WITH A SHARP STICK 1, 2 & 3 April 1976

Original cast: POPE John Cleese
MICHELANGELO Jonathan Lynn